IAmWhoIAm

这夜晚，我有。。。

2011-09-22T00:25:00.001+08:00

今晚原本可以是一个美丽及美好的夜晚但我有做错了一件事。
其实也不是一件很难的事，但我的脑确没想去做。
我的脑拼命的叫我逃，呼求我叫我离开这地方，想带我到一个属于我的地方。那里很安静，我不必想别人需要什么，需要做什么。这就是我的世界。

有时候我很自私，不想理会别人的感受。即使是身边最亲的人也是一样。

我很想找个人聊聊，但确不知
要找谁说。因为别人会觉得我有问题。脑袋太无聊，没事想，想的都是垃圾。

还是老样子，自己一个人在房间，写日记，想自己的事，觉的很想放弃，感觉好累。

在这世上只有天父才知我心。别人只会叫我做这做那。叫我听这做那。不是我不想改，只是为什么没人知道怎样我才会改。用硬的不行。怎样？

我跟本不知道我要什么。我好累，我想太多了！脑子里一只想同样的问题，不停的转。

我只知道我没忘记他。今早起身想的就是他。预备去作工时想的是什么事会让他快乐。路途中，想的是快到办公室bbm他。作工时，想的是帮他找他要的鞋子和干快下班，见到他。

我想这些他都不知道。因为他说他感觉不到。

今晚我只忘了说一些话就变成了罪人。在那一瞬间，我的倔强导致我再一次的得到教训。

我真得很累，我也知他也很累。我真得在那时想要对他说：＂你找错女朋友了。我不是你想要得！＂但我没说。也许我不想让他伤心，不想真样就算了。

相信我，没人想要孤独终老。所以救我吧！别把我抛下！我知错了，我会记得的！

别不要不理我！

Decided and Concluded

2011-08-29T14:58:00.002+08:00

I have decided that I should stop writing blog post in this blog..

It is time to change and not brood over whatever is in the past but move forward and loving each single day :)

I will not destroy this blog but I will just keep this away until the day that I can no longer need this blog... It shall be deleted and be forgotten from my memories..

xoxo
Erin

The Moments

2011-08-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

It was a moment..
That moment which made me realised feelings which I have never realised before..

It was a scene...
That scene which made me feel love exist, even though I was not the one in the movie...

I was either the biscuit or the potato, which I think I would be the biscuit..

The biscuit which never knew the true self...
Never thought about the true self..
Never realised that was the true self..

I cant see myself.. cant see how happy I was or was not...

I thought it felt right, felt ok but probably it was not..

I watch movies, love stories and fell in love with the scenes but I have never thought it can exist.. Because he told me that it doesnt exist...

So everything that I knew was not the real truth?

So what was the truth?

My mind is battling now...

Suddenly, I felt confused... lost...

I dont know where to begin...

I want to find back the true me again..

Though I said it many times, but it was really amazing...

Its like those scenes that happen in the movies actually did happen.. for once, I thought I was dreaming.. really dreaming..

Just someone told me how much he adores me and those feelings I felt from love movies actually can be true??

It is really unbelievable.. what is this?

Yes, he is probably right I am like falling into stage 1 again...

At a point of time, I felt that I am like making someone work so hard just for me that I felt like leaving..
Like the other self that wants to run..

I mean it felt right when he was there talking to me.. but then after that I fall back to the strong side of myself again.. like I am so used to being strong from all these years of crying and crying and picking myself up...

I want to have those feelings which I have felt at Gardenia, doing silly things together.. making people laugh.. It was me I guess, that was probably the real me which I need to find back again, once again into a new relationship, into a new beginning..

I am tired missing doing things that I like and I know I need to slowly get those back now..

Please dont stress me now, give me sometime to figure this out..

What?!

2011-08-21T12:36:00.001+08:00

I always knew God is always at my side no matter where I am, what I do, who I am..

Just last Friday afternoon, I felt so bad that I knelt and cry out to God, my heavenly father. I felt used, felt bad about relationship and thought that all guys are hypocrite. For these past 4 years, I have never thought I would find someone who can share the things that I like, I never thought of that. I thought that Vincent was already quite good to me already, I never expect much in a relationship but only to feel comfortable and at ease with the one I love.

Even if he is poor, I will still stand by his side. I am not those materialistic girl who must have this and that. Of cause it would be nice to receive things once in a while but it never was a must to be at all. Good and bad, as I am quite dependent on myself for all the 4 years. I never expect him to give me alot of things or expensive thing, just things which is useful, simple and kind of my taste is good enough.

Probably u can say I am too simple and kind or too good to be true but I always believe in purity and truth just like the bible. Just like the the scene where u saw Gandulf raised his staff and shines the light out of the darkness. Just like the lion came at the lowest morale of the army and gave hope to the battle between good and evil.

So just as I told my heavenly father that I feel tired and I dunno what I am fighting for here. Why am I doing and trying my best each day, trusting and believing in people and yet I didn't see any results and felt used and alone again? Someone appear seeming so familiar but I know this time I cannot allow myself to fall in a relationship so easy because I have done it twice and I don't feel good about doing it again, I am not ready yet, just not yet.

All this is just too fast, somehow inside me I am just not ready to start one yet because I don't want to end in misery again and again. Love is sweet but it can also be bitter.

Going slow now is most probably the best way I can deal with this now.

I guess I am growing much better now and dealing with things more mature now..

Yup just slow and steady.. :)

我家楼下的猫猫

2011-07-08T16:02:00.001+08:00

今天

我又拍到了猫猫的照片。
猫猫跟平时一样喜欢在133的组屋楼下偷懒。

有时躺卧在石柱上，又有时蹲在地上。真不知道它今天在想什么或之后会去做什么？

好自由的它，真令人羡慕。

想到它就令我开心，不知为和？

希望明天也能见到它。

姜姜我家外的猫。

我家楼下的猫猫

2011-07-04T23:18:00.001+08:00

今天

Ginger, the Cat that lives under Block 133

2011-05-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

Ginger, that's the name that I gave her.

I saw Ginger on my way to work today and saw her on the old spot that she lie always.

Ginger; spicy and tasteful, with a pinch of independence. As quiet as she lie there on that spot as always, I loves the way she lies there looking at a particular direction and seems to be thinking something far beyond our apprehensions.

What is she thinking? What does a cat of her characters think about?

My dear Ginger, the cat that lives under block 133, the most admirable cat I have ever seen.

Can't Help but to Think of Your Smile

2011-05-23T23:43:00.001+08:00

That smile of yours. That second of sweet taste shows me that you are going to be a loving and caring father.

I can't help to think of us and I hope it is not a jinx to think that way. I pray to God that the one that I was meant to me will last. I know my heavenly father is watching and guiding me as I lie safe in his arms.

I can't help but feel a sense of joy and bliss when I see that glimpse of grin on your face yesterday. It all happen while we were talking and a little adorable boy went round behind you and squirt a few spray of water on your pants. You thought it was water dripping from the roof of the shelter and move forward to avoid, unknowingly it was a little boy playing with you.

I was caught in surprised too as I didn't manage to dodge the young boy and got a few squirt of water on my pants too. I wasn't angry instead I was happy. Such young innocent boy didn't do much damage to me as it was only water. Would I be so calm if it was dye? I would probably be fill with angry, happiness and a sense of silliness on the boy.

You didn't get angry too and continue writing your SMS. I caught that grin on your face. How I wish i was fast enough to caught it in picture. I feel happy watching you smile cause it has been a long time since I see a genuine smile that comes from your heart, I guess it's because you have your difficulties now.

I think God will guide you and I hope you will not stray from his path given to you. I know you still believe in him, please keep your faith there.

Your smile is wonderful and it was a smile that was created by God and I know you still have that innocent you.

I miss your smile.

I pray that the smile comes often from you from today onwards and forever.

I miss being with you.

The Heart Stands on the Grey Side

2011-01-30T23:22:00.001+08:00

I have got a rush of anxiety, happiness, somewhat like a euphoria when I know I am in love.

Somehow, something happens and I lost the confident being in it.

Many times I want to stop it, stop the feeling of 'it is ok to be alone', 'that man to woman relationship is not important'.

I know myself pretty well that I have a grey heart. I know many guys who really go into a relationship with me would end up broken. I guess I have my insanity somewhere.

One day, I would say 'marry me' and the next I would run away. Afraid, disappointed with the world. Many times, I would tell myself that I would probably hide somewhere one day and decided that no one i know can contact me anymore.

This is probably part of me that I have to live with or probably one day someone can live with. The other side of me, my insanity. An insanity that walks alone but never alone because of the other me.

I linger in it and it lives in me.

Just this day, when I am totally drained of this world and that something that I believe is lost and I am utterly fallen from who I have been sustaining to be, becomes meaningless in living, I might decide to just be left alone, left to be devour by my insane behaviour.

I hope God stands on my side and He recognizes or wants me to be that way for the rest of my life.

His way is my way.

And that nothing could be happier for me but this way.

I am happy. Euphoria but not really alone.

Was It Me or You?

2010-12-24T02:32:00.000+08:00

Teens life was good, pretty smooth sailing and the challenge was to keep up with good grades and integrity.

Slowly, I start to open my eyes, my mind, my heart and a voice to speak out what I feel.

Was it all so easy? Just an evolved me?
Along the way there was plenty of tears, smiles and humility.

Was it recently, I start to realize to build a family together is not just about love. We got to be realistic somehow.

It was not very easy for me to have a crush on someone. None so far for these 2 years, until I met him.

Unconsciously, I can't help but think about him. I start to develop an interest in wanting to know him. Just eager to see him next month but also the fear of the challenges ahead.

If I can find the exact same replica of him but in the 'I am single and available' status, I would not miss the chance of developing friendship with him initially till I get to know him better.

On the other hand, I know my principles well that I would not commit myself to such unscrupulous acts of grabbing someone for myself but making others miserable. I know this very clearly myself. The hardest part therefore lies in the heart, the emotions.

My evolution was getting a new way of thinking and I know one day, maybe one day I would just leave the other him. Probably I am going to far to ever be reached. I told him about how I feel, I never kept secrets to him. I know he understands what I am going through now that I am so afraid one day I might cheat on him.

So was it me or you who is changing?
I guess it's me.

I know very clear that I am pursuing in my own directions and that I will not fall to the dark side.

My worries I give to you. Onto you that you might give me peace and guide me through.

Dearest Erin

Do You?

2010-12-12T12:25:00.001+08:00

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3

Have you (Christians and non-Christians) done it?

If...

2010-11-24T22:43:00.000+08:00

If I got the dream job what reactions am I suppose to have?

If I really work with this man what would happen to me?

If I had the job and somethings I can't cope should I give up?

If I don't get the job would I be upset?

If I don't get the job would I be still thinking of him?

If he calls me should I say yes to the offer?

If I receive or don't receive the call I am still going to move forward and have faith!!

The Same Feeling I had When I Was 13

2010-11-18T01:27:00.000+08:00

Thursday gave me a sensation. I had it when I first hear his voice over the phone.

He sounded professional, masculine, matured and fluent in his English. I kinda feel a sense of romance lingering in my heart.

The last time I felt this admiration was when I saw this dance instructor during a vocational training organize by my secondary school. I was 13 then.

When I saw him personally on Thursday, I felt like a small petite girl standing in front of a man full of authority and maturity.

Probably it was 10 plus of age that I had an admiration of older guys with intelligence and sophistication.

I just wanna learn from his knowledge. I just wanna know what is his hobbies, what he knows about the world. It interests me a lot when I get to talk to people like him.

He is a friendly man after all. I was surprised to see a man supposedly to have authority over me to talk to me like an amiable mentor. I have been thinking about him from the time I met him to now, I wonder why?

I have a very nice boyfriend now but somehow I wanted more of him because I believe he has the potential to. He is brilliant in soft skills. Maybe I was just hopefully my boyfriend can be as good as him? But I know somethings are incomparable.

Good men are all married! Lol

Nite sweetie!

Alan Shadrake Shouldnt Interfer With Singapore's Judiciary!

2010-10-18T16:59:00.002+08:00

Alan Shadrake in trying to be liberal to the death penalty, is claiming that death penalty is to the offensive of poor people is bullshit!

When someone does something wrong they should be punished! What about the victim's family? Dont they deserve some justice too? Asian country cannot be too liberal, I dont want Singapore to become another chaotic Taiwan, where normal, ordinary, innocent citizens were afraid that they would not see the next sunrise when the law is being too liberal and murderers take law for granted.

‎"The EU Parliament resolution reports that “various studies have shown that the death penalty has no effect on trends in violent crime…whereas evidence shows that the death penalty affects first and foremost underprivileged people.”

EU is liberal of course they want to look good for their own judiciary. When someone does something wrong and take lives into their own hands, they deserve punishment! God gives all of us life and it is not up to us to murder or to take our own lifes. We are being irresponisble in such ways.

What does a British author knows about laws, lifes and asian country? Without death penalty I would be scare out of my life living in Singapore, because I dont feel safe! Ask the Singaporeans before coming up with such book!

The Modern Love

2010-10-09T01:34:00.001+08:00

He will say here I go again and that I will feel better when the night sleeps and the sun is awake.

500 days of summer and the beautiful night make my head ponders about 'love'. Well, it is a simple 4 letters word but with a profound meaning behind it. The best sentence to describe love is the wedding vow.

From the wikipedia,

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Can a once in a lifetime promise be pledged many times? Is really what love is meant to be just a fallacy and vulnerable against worldly affections and desires? Or did we take vows and oaths like drinking coffees and teas, so common and without much acknowledge of them?

Love can be irrational, rational, simple, complicated, hurtful, pleasant, sweet, bitter or other words you would want to describe it. Love is a decision making, a decision you make you want A and not B. This decision can be base on rationality, elimination by criteria, just plain satisficing or bias or heuristics but all these are dependent on you! What matters most to you in love? In being together for the rest of your life? No matter poor, sick or whatever illness but only death do us part. Are we just saying it for the sake of saying or do we really keep the promise when we really meant it in our hearts? Where are we standing now where we deem rich and stable husbands or wives are the most important criteria we seek and we cannot lose or meet with obstacles in our lives and live with that with our spouses? So what is the new definition of love?

Maybe I am just the Hanson in the movie, who thought summer was the one, who is just trying to keep the happy memories as long as possible. I don't know and I am not avoiding it. It has been 3 years plus already if it had been it would have been. I don't know the future, God only knows. I am not putting labels onto it like many do and I am just going to classify it as complicated for as long as I am not sure. The only thing I do know is, it is getting better and better slowly.

Someone told me peaks and valleys can make a great love as love is suppose to endure all things, embrace all things and hope all things. I did thought this was pretty true to an extend if the knowledge of good and evil doesn't spread in thus world but base only on simplicity and peace in mind, heart and soul.

Where do we stand now in love between man and woman? I think we are all confused. What we see around us that are superficially beautiful and deem long lasting of self preservation of one's ego are what we are pursuing. Yet of all these busy pursues we lack of peace, we lack of true wisdom in the heart and soul. Now, maybe humanity would also be lost in the future. Being human of sexually bond with opposite genders are the right humanity but technology is bringing away for us. Hormones injections and surgeries can create a manly female or a feminine male. All of these could be of our individual selfishness and egos where we think we would be happier by not allowing others to love us and also by believing we are better off being alone.

Is this what we call the modern love now? Where love is just as simple as the 4 letters word it has always been in the dictionary.

I like this pic

2010-09-30T22:44:00.002+08:00

Its from a music group called daft punk. I would probably called it the european dance music group. It is not the kind of 'da-da, da-da' dancing beat you hear in strong bass and flirtatious america pubs or clubs.

Where is the Love?

2010-09-19T12:23:00.000+08:00

If religion = religion which embraces the law, the rules and regulations, that would mean that only the holy and pure can be seen and adopted in church, temple or mosque, who in the world would have a religion.

Probably we shouldn't classify religion as a religion, there is probably no definition which we can put onto religion. If money and fame were used to build up a church was that really a church? I am not saying you can't prosper the church or you cant build up the tying. Afterall, the world can't work without money. Nobody would banter love, peace and kindness for a piece of brick just to build up a church.

We probably need to check your hearts, ask yourself truly what do you want to gain from a church, from a religion? What is the outcome you want to see after you have embrace a religion? Humans are vulnerable. We can err. Who can give you agape love? Someone who is perfect till you can never see him err because he is full of love which don't expect returns. He only know how to give and even you err, he still give you love and never abandon anyone who is imperfect because he knows human that created are not perfect.

When that someone fill your empty heart with full brim of love, how can you possibly hate anyone in this world? With love, we can overcome anything, forgive anyone and embrace a peaceful future. This is what I call creating a pre heaven state. If everyone understands this why would we even need a heaven because now the present is already the heaven.

Evangelism is all about spreading the love and this love don't expect any returns just like how God loves us. Money should never be the 1st priority but love should.

The question is always to be so exactly how many people understand that?

I hope you do.

Cheers

Safe In The House Of The Lord

2010-09-16T11:04:00.001+08:00

So I will be ending my full-time work after this month. What will I be doing? Will I get the job that I want? Will the next job be not as naive anymore? Well if I were to think so many of these questions in my head, I would go bonkers!

No matter what it would be I will trust in my Lord. I know 'with christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm'.

It's that simple to understand.

Just can't run away...

2010-09-11T01:03:00.001+08:00

No matter how many times the heart breaks, it never fail to run back to you. Today i tell you that love is never logic. It never was at all. So many times I want to avoid this feeling, want to find a practical and loving partner to be with. I tried. Deciphering this code with a clear headed mind to no avail. Oh why? Did have a terrible heartbreak from you but I did not really resist your affection for me once again. Many people will probably say I am crazy or stupid to believe you once again. Well, I tried to use other methods to get away from your embrace but seriously I am still running back to you. Oh God! Am I naive or desperate for comfort? is this true? Oh why? Why I never learned anything logical from this? I guess our love goes through lots of heart breaks till it becomes stronger than before. We are constantly growing up and better in this. I love you. I still can't get away from you no matter how I want to. I am all yours and chained...

Maybe I am just not up to it...

2010-08-22T16:36:00.001+08:00

Newspapers, magazines, media etc
There are always a handful of people who succeed in life. They seems to be cover wit only wisdoms, happiness and success in life. Just wondering whether they have failed terribly before? Been thinkin about my studies and work and it seems that im tryin to avoid workin and spending useless time somewhere. My workplace is so far away from home, travellin tooks up 1 and half hr. When i manage to reach home, i cant enjoy any personal time because i need to study. Not that gd after classes started been tryin to catch up some work but it always end up late at night! And i only have around 7hrs of slp everyday. Somehow, i dunno how to continue.. Bcos it seems endless.. So when will these be over? How can i carry on?

I do enjoy that every moment...

2010-08-09T21:20:00.002+08:00

Eve of the holiday can be crowded at times.

Did lost my temper at Long John.

The weather, my hunger, the crowd and my tiredness, I lost more of my emoitonal control.

The cafe caramel, the chicago cheesecake, my marketing notes, my pen.
His mocha iced blended, his hp, his audio books, his notes, his pen.

The walks to the esplanade, to the quiet lan shop, to Long John, to the Cold Storage and Challenger.

The play of Starcraft II.

The anger I had, the fun I had.

I enjoy those bits to the every moment till we sat on the train and talk.

Maybe, Just Can Be and Must Be

2010-07-20T17:39:00.000+08:00

Its always rains when my mind is filled with thoughts and poignant feelings.

Could there possibly be that I have undergone a small drastic change in my being?

How I once used to behave in a relationship is never to really open myself to myself. Never to really realised what I want for myself.

The present, is always a gift. A gift to renew and embrace myself. A gift to open up to new possibilities and it might be a possibility to feel wanted in a courtship.

The past relationship is not what i wanted it to be, clearly. I miss out the sensational peaks and valleys of a courtship. A slow progressive friend, a patience best friend, a friend to confine in and being able to be yourself and not judged being in such friendship. Thats is what i want it to be, strongly.

As the chinese saying goes, 'a pail of water onced it is pour away, it can never be recover back'.

Maybe this water is too polluted, or i am just tired of listening to his mourning of not having a job constantly.

It maybe, just can be and must be, and I guess I am slowly moving away from it...

Its a new evolution of the past and we called that the present!

2010-07-16T22:40:00.001+08:00

Out and about the town.
So much for town, typical social scene.
Food, beauty, clothes and entertainment.
Those were mundane pleasures without much appreciation if we are becoming slaves to them.
Nonetheless, its the joy of being with someone whom you can just be yourself and be comfortable in it.
Not a bit of uneasiness i feel, maybe the teeth part.
I cant eat and talk proper but i still enjoy the bits of it.
Much more the enjoyment of being myself than being in the shadow of others. The focus now is more of self indulgence than others' pleasures.
I am starting to like the relationship i am havin now. Close but yet far. Not much strings attached. Its probably what we called the new evolution of the past and that is what we called it the present!
Enjoy! :)

Do you miss me? Shall never be a cliche anymore! Move on!

2010-07-14T21:55:00.003+08:00

It came upon my knowledge that this 4 words question, "do you miss me?" seems kinda cliche.

Such cliche question, will never gonna be said again.

Maybe it has been overused, over abused.
Sometimes, probably a little mystery in life.

A little bit of patience, a little bit of being concern towards that person, behind, might be a better alternative.

The priority now is to enjoy the life, enjoy the challenge, enjoy the coming pain, enjoy the joy after the pain, enjoy the happiness, enjoy every single bit of amusement and fun with friends, family and in work.

Wonder what tomorrow holds for me?
The braces agony?
Let it go and this too shall pass.

Hopefully, I will be able to talk on Saturday for the orientation.

Working adult orientation?
Who might be there?
Any guys I can know? lol

Been thinking abt my future guy..
The lamborgini driven guy wearing formal suit?
lol dreamed too much...

Quite admire my dentist.
Rich and funny guy. lol
Nah.. old? better focus on myself.

Hmmm... time to slp and get ready for tomorrow..
Pray tml my dentist is in a gd mood and be gentle to me!

Amen!
Night! Night!

LOVE is the password

2010-07-12T20:18:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching sex in the city (movie, part 1)
All that had happened, all that might happened in relationship was never easy.

It was emotional, illogical and brash.

Somehow, I want it to be logical, wanted it have a reason behind it.
Wanted something or someone to proof to me that it was ok to fall in love with a 'bad' guy?

I dunno how to trust man again, trust someone who had hurt me real bad.

I dunno what he is thinking after these 3 years. Sad to say, I dunno who he really was.

The break up, the smses that were sent were all very sudden.

All I know now is I am not in a relationship with him now.
All I know is I have a lot more focus to myself and my goals.

I am not goin to waste my time being with him and thinking whether he is real or not.

Time will tell me instead.

Not him, not through his mouth, not any theories he had, frankly speaking I had enough.

Now I just need someone to just stand beside me through all now. Through this growing age, so different from my peers.

Still Thinking Of You (Prelude)

2010-07-09T23:35:00.002+08:00

If places could be just places with no connections to the past and will never link to the future visits, places could just be places afterall.

Its like zombieland, no emotion joints, only me and me the one and only that I am connected to the place.

Whatever happy whatever sad that happens at the place is all surrounding me.
Just hope the place could only be affiliated just to me and not to him too.

Shopping malls seem to be where all lovely couples hang out places.
What I saw, how I felt was pretty lonely with admiration.

Just got to find someone, someone who could appreciated my character.
My easy going, my lame jokes, my funky + cute moves.
My quite mature mind, my silence, my nonsense at times, My deep thoughts.
My liking of the nature...

I dont want to fall into the normal girl catergory.
The typical girl style.

Me, be me and myself.

Somehow, I dont know where or how things could work out along the path.
Somehow, I want an answer from God.
Somehow, I want it fast.
Bad thoughts about wanting it fast, I have been too fast in falling in love.
Not this time.
Not going to.

Not going to the free fall, not into it now, I guess.

Patience heart, patience mind.
Father, pls safeguard my heart, open up my mind and know how to differentiate the differences.

Abba Father!

Together! We find pot!

2010-07-08T23:06:00.002+08:00

Together
Together
Forever
Ever
In circles

In ups and downs
Diagonally we crossed
We screamed we shout
We are all starting to change
Pieces are matched and lost
Some could never be found

That hollow spaces we had within us
Start to produce sounds
How tough we may be
Can we ever fill up our insides?
All those dead silents wailing at us

Pulling our throats, using our hands
as we reached out to the distance

And yes together, the pots found our pots!
Then we could all start to pretend and standstill as who are
forever...

You Just Got To Know What Do You Deem As Important In Your Life

2010-07-06T22:09:00.002+08:00

Some go for the extenal.
Some go for the internal.
Others lost their ways.
Changing according to circumstances.
They deem it as a survival kit.

Probably in a practical world, it would be useful.
Probably in a reality, it would be tasteful.
In times when you got to make a stand,
How would you react?

People comes and goes in life.
Nobody can guarantee things will stand still.
Humans can be physically hurt, emotionally fragile, spiritually breakable.
We are the things, we cannot protect, we cannot withstand forces.

We all seek attention, love and care, who wouldnt?
Placing your strong hope, faith and love on weak grounds, can hold no future.
When situations dont go as you want them to, dont hide your feelings.
Dont let go of everything.

We go through peaks and valleys.
We go through heartbreaks and lightheartedness.
Please go through life with felicity in the midst of despondency.
With every broken spirits, we renew, rejuvenate and comes out in victory, please believe it!

Dont let go! Dont push everyone who cares away!
Hold tightly to your life, hold dearly to continuous pursue of happiness.
Everyone has the right to hunt down their own life of euphoria.
Keep in mind, dont let anyone take away your share.
You deserve the best!

P.s. To all people out there who havent feel and seen life as it should be when you found the real peace bathing in the light and truth of God.

Some People Are Just Not Meant To Be Your Friend!

2010-06-30T21:09:00.002+08:00

Was it the constant demands of the world that we need to defend ourselves in GOSSIPS?

OR

Our helpless and empty souls need some nourishment with GOSSIPS to juice up our life?

Pathetic, struggling, 26+ yr old adults filled their aimless life with people's sad story, juicy conversations, latest mishaps and spread them like wild fire!

Environmentalists please save the deforestation!

I totally detest people spreading gossips and giving judgemental accusations of others when they just saw them once!

Once! Just one time I hear about such accusations about me! Thats it!
Bye! Bye!

I dont really care about what others say behind my back if the thing they say is true!

But... giving false judgements on others when you only know or seen them for the first time with no conversation at all and you start to hallucinate about the lifes of others! Wow! Wow!

No other jobs suit them than being a paparazzi! All accusations base on 1 look!

I am not a passive person, I am rather active if I really want to know someone or know more people (networking, building friendships).

I will talk to everyone and get to know them as much as possible and will never give false accusations about others if I dont know whether its true! Even if its true, gossiping is never my cup of tea!

Chamomile is!

So what is exactly the problem of wanting to know your ex bf's friends?

Desperate of what?

SEX?
(Just say the most ugliest word!)

Oh yeah! Desperados!
I am not a good desperado as you guys (aka whimsies?).

Oh brother! Pls dont tell me you like to spend your hard earned money on clubs and pubs and expensive restaurants almost every day?
Arent you a desperado?
Seeking to expand your network in night lifes socialite!

All those LVs, Coach and Prada can cover your lonely, coreless souls.

Fly! Fly! Fly up the sky with your inspirations so high up but your not even touching the ground.

Building dreams on no solid foundation, is like trying to reach for an endless goal!

My goal after 3 yrs is to graduate with honours in Marketing and get a marketing assistant job in an MNC company and rise to get at least a 5000 salary by 28!

So if you people wised up and start thinking far when you are young, you can even reach further than me.

Believe in yourself but most imptly believe in God's promises. Find your passion in life and excel in it and when obstacles come leave it to God. In the meantime, develop eternal treasures in your life. Materials like water, evaporate and then return back to Earth as water but we can never grab hold of it forever. Materials is a cycle, once you have it and the next you lost it.

Adios@
My Gossiping acquaintances!
God loves you and bless you!

Was it just the explosions in the sky?

2010-06-26T21:14:00.002+08:00

Their phenomenal strings and drums from a band which I had just discovered a few days ago.. brought me back.. brought me back to thoughts and feelings again..

As I was looking through my old books and notes.. Somehow they used to be there but I didnt notice their existence.. they seems to have disappeared in my life for some decades ago..

My old report books, my newspaper articles, my onced fascinated explorations into the world.. etc..

Somehow they seems to be no longer interested anymore.. I guess somehow I changed maybe time let us change..

Those old band mag.. Muse and Fall Out Boy, my favourite bands when I was in poly..

Poly is a transition into some kind of Adulthood...

I cant see myself as being like those 21+ adults.. I cant see myself being like them.. not the OL life, not the LV life nor Coach..

I dont see the fit into Butter, but the only reason I might be there is to chill out myself...

I would see myself in music gigs of my favourite bands and to see them putting their effort into making such wonder pieces of art into my life..

Those pieces, no matter what bands I used to like has brought me out of the different stages in my life...

Now...

I am into Indie and You're Not!

2010-06-24T21:04:00.002+08:00

Some people always get me interested in them.
(Its either I am so easily fallen into or they are bascially intriguing?)

He is half way up to the sun
(massive power fire up!)
I am half way down to the moon
(melodramatic artic cold!)
Oh when can I see an eclipse again?

If ever that happens, what would become of this Earth?
Of this love?
Vagrant, I dont wanna find a home.
Not so soon, I guess.
Wait until when?

This deserted abandon refuge.
I have said it again and again.
Some things just never end.
Illusions over and over again.

Can you? Can you find a home?
Will it? Will it ever stop?
May I? May I find some love?
Do you? Do you remember the time?

Give me an equinox.
Make it alright in night and day.
I dont see it.
I cant see it.
It could probably be a repetition.
Once and again and again.

Who you?

Anthem for a 21 yr old

2010-06-19T15:46:00.002+08:00

Drank Margaritha.
Hot Flush.
Water Flush.
Puke Flush.

On my face,
In the toilet,
On the street

And i survived all that shit on my way home...
till i drop dead on my bed.

How's that for a night? lol

Slow and Easy

2010-06-11T22:10:00.002+08:00

Life is more living our day to the fullest.
Because the day might never happen again.

After so much of being a puppet of someone and losing myself in the midst of what the modern world called it 'love', I have realised how much I miss being myself.

Doing the things I like. I can say I am not really very artsy but I do love museum, art, music and fashion. I do have a keen sense in them. LOL

Been thinking and dreaming of the kind of life I would want in the future.
Just imagine having an american pool table in your house. Haha.
With a little pinch of wine, bars and music lounge in my house. Haha.
Hmmm.. did I imagine too much?

I dont think so.
I do love to have such house. Most probably I want it white! Yes! Please!
WHITE!

Now I just want to take life easy. Enjoying it well I can.
Marriage is not a rush.
Money is not a rush.
But you just got to do your best every day!

Always keep your goals close to you.

One thing for sure, since I am 21 this year, I am not going to rush in a relationship any sooner.

Taking things easy, work smart and hard, do my best in my studies, fix up my teeth (Yes! Yes! I know it can be excruciating but I must do it!), enjoying life with my frenz and family and also GOD!

The best thing in life is knowing God is always there anytime, anywhere and He is capable of anything.

I am just going to put my trust in life onto Him, may it be work, studies, relationships and my teeth. I know he heals and cures.

May all the glories go to GOD!

Amen!
xoxo

Chill Chill..

2010-06-09T23:13:00.001+08:00

Jazz at Blue Jazz Cafe was good. It has been a while since I really can chill at such place. Shopping at malls is extremely boring if you do it often.

The band was good.
Upbeat and chill music.

Cant wait for another go to such music gigs again.

Day By Day

2010-06-07T20:37:00.002+08:00

Day by day as time pass, it feels like flipping through past pages of the book. Finish a page and then you flip, every new page is an excitement and a mystery.

Maybe from the book title you can figure out what the book is about but you cannot use it to determine the content of the book, what the book wants us to feel, wants us to know and think through.

I may know what is going to happen next but I will not know what is the exact details that might happen to my future.

Sometimes when i lie down on my bed, I kinda miss the feeling of a hug from someone, kinda miss the smell.

I dont want to act out I am desperate but it is just a feeling of longing. God is here everyway in my life, probably in the toilet too lol but I really need a hug from someone too.

I dont know who will be my next bf but I know I am not going to fall in love too easily anymore. This time I will harden my heart and not fall in love too easily anymore. I will take note of the first impression I got from that person because my first impression is very true of the person.

I was thinking I want a God Loving Man, A secure in work man, A man with a car, A man with patience, A man who can click with me and enjoy spending time with me and doing our favourite things together. May it be big or small but we enjoy doing the things we love together. Is it hard to find? I am leaving it to God, if God wants it to work he will make it work. I have to do my part and God will do his part.

I really think Victoria Osteen is very fortunate and bless to have Joel by her side. Its so natural and everything falls into place just like this and they were married with 2 adorable kids. They are very lovely together, Joel even mentioned in his book as Victoria is his best friend, I like that kind of feeling too. Its like they can share anything may it be thoughts or feelings or problems together and solve it together. I guess its bcos of this I feel very much attached to my ex bf. He is like a best friend to me cos I will tell him anything that is happening in me. I guess it is also bcos of this he felt frustrated maybe he didnt really love me in the first place at all.

he always used to tell me not to be too attached to him cos he will find another girl, I didnt really want to be attached to him in the first place but he keeps on wanting me back. On my birthday this year he told me why not put effort into this relationship maybe it will work out. I did and I really put my effort into it but it broke out so suddenly. I felt bad and really sad and cheated.

I wanted to tell him all these but I suddenly dont think its neccessary anymore because I am not suppose to go back to him and I really should give up caring abt him because he doesnt really care about me anymore.

Really thought he could be the one after 3 yrs but I think he is not really ready for this yet. I never force him to marry me but I really want him to give it a try and balance his life. Spend quality time with me and also friends and work. But i guess he really couldnt take it anymore. Maybe I am too dependent on him but I really didnt sms or call him much, I actually give him quite a no of time to relax but he spend it with his colleagues and then he force himself too much that he couldnt take it. Come to think of it, I find him stupid. Balancing and prioritise time is very easy. You just need to know what is impt to you now and what comes next after.

He really very stupid sometimes.

Well I guess that is all in the past.

I shall focus on my study and work lol.

God bless me with wisdom to manage my time, strength to focus, health to continue my work and study and energy to finish my work and last guard my heart from evil man and lead me to the right guy of my life in the future to come. Amen.

A Prayer A Day 1

2010-06-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, today I set my heart and affections on You. I choose to lay down the distractions of life and put You first because You are the one thing that is needed. Help me keep my mind focused on You as I declare Your praises throughout the day. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Oh well.. Letting Go and Leaving My Future in God's Hands

2010-06-06T22:12:00.002+08:00

Ytd was an outing to marina barrage.. the whole recee thing.. it wasnt as facinating at all.. rather artificial..

I used to love marina bay when I was young. When my dad took me and my bro for kite flying, soccer and picnic and probably a few strolling.. it was very nice.. there were small little hills where u can run up and catch some wind for the kite to fly.

I had a wonderful childhood and I would love my kids to have such events too.

I dont think I have lost a partner recently, rather I would say I would gain another one better than my previous. Yes, I was naive and foolish to ever think that love is so simple. I guess I was still rather young and that was only my 2nd relationship. Now, I grew and knew what I have to look for in my next potential boyfriend. I am leaving this in God's wonderful hands.

Now when night comes, I would focus on reading Marketing or on God's words. I normally dont have the mood to read them when I was with him in the past and now I do and do not have to sms him at night to say goo.. nite.. I do have the time to readjust myself and re focus on things that would make me grow maturely.

Today is a wonderful day with the kids at baking classes. Guide them and help them in baking. Guo wei is a much nonsense kid but I am glad he can communicate with me. It takes time to teach and coach him well. He will understand it very soon. May God help him to grow up maturely and wisely.

At Daphne's house for birthday celebration today and it was great. She is very bless with so many frenz and her very adorable mother and sister organise such wonderful party for her. I see that she is happy and i am happy for her too. It is really bless to see God working so wonderfully in our lives.

Suddenly, I realised the importance to get to know God can really change our lives and brings out the purpose in us.

God i really thank you for the wonderful plans you had for us. Amen.

I chose Happiness =P

2010-05-24T23:14:00.003+08:00

Just cant figure out what is going on in relationships anymore.
The 'what are u thinking?' keeps on floating in my head.

Its like you got a 'stroke' in your heart.
It just freeze.

What is happening?
Been in a lost soul state for a while until i told someone about it.
The thing about me is I cant keep my emotions inside, just got to let it out.
Feel so much better.

So here and there like a wondering soul... sad.. lost.. angry.. blah!

Until i make a stand against my own state of mind.

I chose happiness!

Conclude: No one in this world can take away your happiness unless u choose it to..

I choose the brighter way. I love the light more than the darkness =P

I was thinkin.. if its going to happen, just let it happen.. I have done my best in this.. Just dunno how picky a person can be.. just dunno the happy times can past and be swept away... I will remember it always.. its not like disappear.. it can just fade..

Was in a lost for a while, till i can re focus on myself and what i want for myself..
Findin my true happiness thats nt just abt humans relationship but some thing more =P

Ppl tell me ps i love you is a sad movie but i find it meaningful.. the ending was brilliant.. doing and finding the lost passion back.. that was mentioned but lost in the process of focusing in relationship...

The artsy passion died down to being a property agent... lost..

All i know now is i got to find back my passion in art, in dance the freestyle way not the ballet ones anymore... i think i cant work under regulations =P

its like releasing ur body into a trance into a piece of art a piece of mind a piece of emotions =P

I just know that i choose my passion and I know that my life is int God's hands.. he has his plans for me someway somehow.. i know i will pull thru =P

The Stand

2010-05-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

Father, I dont know how do you want to execute it?

It can be a long, treacherous and tedious battle.
It has been there for ages already aint it?

Here, busyness substitutes for meaning, efficiency substitutes for creativity, and functional relationship substitutes for love and management substitutes for mystery.
(The Sacred Romance, Brent Curtis & John Eldredge)

Among all, reality substitutes for spiritualness.

It is like a huge scrabble, all jumble up.
Human progression had dominated the rules on Earth.
People got tangle in a huge reality that surfaces on this Earth.
Where is it going to lead to?
The knowledge of Good and Evil has stretched humans through all generations and created massive histories and legacies among us.

Lost, the true, inbound, innocent, pure nature of us.
The humanity that keeps us alive, mutated through the minds of many, has mould us into respective distinct selves.
You and me, me and you.

Where is the fight? The pressing forward seems to have long faded in us. The reasons to stand out from the wrongs, have seem to be embedded deep down our spirits.

Who are you? What is your purpose?
Those are missing in this huge scrabble.
Who is going to matched them? You and me or me and you?

The stand between reality and our true selves has to have its priority.
Who are you following?

We have to make a stand.
For leaving a legacy of faith, true and rights for the generations to come.

THE STAND.

The stand is yours!

The stand is probably reality now.

Its The Small Little Things That Make Me Happy!

2010-04-26T21:48:00.002+08:00

Original shimmering self gets buried so deep we hardly live out of it at all. Rather, we learn to live out of all the other selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world's weather. ~Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets.

The storm outside is raging. The wind are blowing hard on our shelters, pounding on our windows. Will we ever find peace?

Sitting on the bus, passing by many scenes, we are all being place in reality. Walking to the train station is like pushing against the waves of people, harder to breathe. Will we ever find peace?

Putting on clothes, taking off clothes, placing on diamonds and jewellery studs, so where are we heading? We are all fighting against the world.

The weather is unpredictable.
People are so vulnerable.

Storm, it shall be. Yet it is the small things that keeps us apart from short lived happiness.

I guess i will remember those tiniest things that give me eternal happiness.

You! So blissful I felt today!

It is the inside that is warm with you around. I shall not fear or feel lonely anymore because you are here.

You! All of you!
I just feel so sweet...

God's Favour is Pouring

2010-04-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

There have been many ups and downs in the midst of growing out of teenage life.
Still a teenage at heart and growing in maturity in my brain.

In my heart, there is peace when I just know God is walking with me wherever i am. The world is changing everyday but God's love for us will never change. Joel has been a blessing to me and my bf. We are fans of his ministries.

Yes, I do lose my temper and my positivity at times but I am still growing and learning.

I agree with Victoria that we just have to wake up every morning knowing that TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY BECAUSE OUR LORD IS WITH US! Every morning it is important to know that we have peace and joy in our hearts. Its such a blessing each day just to think about all the goodness God has for us.

I have got my jealousy and tantrums sometimes but I just have to keep in mind God's word of Victory. I dont understand why some people are so against Joel's preaching. Is there wrong in teaching positivity? I know its better than teaching negativity. I know the bible has both side of the perspectives. Someone gone through the hardships and sufferings in keeping their faith. But there is one thing of all that, is that believers always end up in victory. I just know that the conclusion in all the bible verses and chapters, is victory. Jesus crucified and known to be dead by all men but he live beyond the human limit of death. Isnt that a victory after all the hardships? Jesus knew he is going to die, he knew he will die for a victory and the victory is saving our sins.

Now, knowing that all our pasts and sins that we had done can be cleansed away because he died for us, isnt it a victory our God wants us to have. We are living in Grace now, not the laws. The laws are there for reasons but since our messiah had come and rescue us from our sins. We are declared free. Sins are not just actions of commiting adultery, murder, thefts etc. They can also be a form of thoughts, words that portray negativity. Its a human psychology that onced we let ourselves to be in a depressed mood, we are bound to do something stupid, something sinful. So why not let ourselves live in positivity to prevent such 'sinful' thoughts running through our minds. Why must we succumb ourselves to poverty when we can live better lives? Do God really wants us to live lowly due to our faith? Or does He believes we are mend for beautiful things? David became a king, does it means he has to give up his position to be closer to God?

People always have the misunderstanding that being Christians means you have to live lowly be poor so that you can be blessed or you have to serve humbly low to be closer to God. I think you need to have greater means to serve even better to God.

Yes, we can say to non-believers that why we want you to know God is because he save us from sins. He loves you no matter what skin colours you have, how beautiful you look. You're the high most children in God's eyes. But what is the point of saying all these when you are always depressed, always gossiping about other people and you just cant manage your life? If you're God's children, we should always be our best, do the best for other people. How are you going to show to people being with God can make your life change beautifully when you cant manage emotions, cant handle relationship and cant see the best in everyday?

Christians preach this and that but most are not showing the light to the world. How we behave and react to situations give people impressions. Those impressions can be gd or bad.

Scholars in bible studies and other relevant degrees are not that worth than doing good things in life. When we start arguing among our fellow brothers and sisters about what is right and what is wrong, we had sin already. We cant judge people, only God can, because we all had sins. As the bible said, why judge people when we already had a speck of dust in our eyes?

Joel and Victoria's preachings really inspired me to become a better person, the question is why shouldnt we want to become a better person? And I am really glad I have found a bf who supports and teaches me in my life. He just make me want to become a better person and reach my fullest potential. Though in life, we just go down many times and we climb up higher many times too.

So be inspired in God and grow abundantly in his arms. Every parents want to give their best to their children so why not God?

Be Blessed and Stay in Peace with Lots of Love. Cheers =P

Evaluation of Myself

2010-04-10T22:34:00.006+08:00

Seriously speaking, I have been too comfortable to be with someone who would take care of me for almost 3 yrs. A sudden drastic change of schedules and forcus can be harsh on me.

I grow up in a healthy, fun and adventurous family. My dad brought me to lots of places for picnics, cycling, badminton, hiking, strolling, beautiful meals at restaurants occassionally to celebrate events. Its like I am being placed in a comfortable sheltered area and I dont need to think so much, grow up so much cause everything are settled by my parents. I am really doted by them. And so I grew up being argumentative, competitive and and egoistic. Nobody in the family challenged my opinions, my arguments and basically I am spoilt. I grew up only to understand that only to be a good children to my parents, I must score very well in my school. I am always in the top 3 classes throughout my primary, secondary and poly life. I had taken alot of scholarships since young and I am always proud of them. I laminated them all. Prized possessions.

Being the youngest in my family, I didnt manage to know how to deal with people's emotions. I dont know how to comfort them, say the right things and to take care of people cause I basically dont understand why they need consoling so much. For years nobody has ever taught me how to deal with EQ. What are EQ? Why is it so important? I have no problem in finding friends because I am easy going and I am not petty and make big fuss of small little things. I am decribe as a calm, easy going, crazy and crappy person to my friends. I am very easily accepted by people.

In the past, when I faced challenges I would not think it was my fault. And people around me dont really pin point me or say me because in the place I live in, nobody likes to hurt a person feeling. They were afraid of losing friendships.

I didnt know that whatever mistakes I have, I cannot push the blame to others or just pretend that I didnt know and dont want to clarified that mistake. In my mind, I just think that I am right and how could it be my fault too? I would argue my way out that its not my fault or what I think is correct and do not argue with me. You're wrong!

Now, I am growing older each year, and I have been struggling with these "embedded" mindset. And the worst is, these mindsets have hurt someone. I did listen to audios and read books to try to solve them. I also try to be involve in people and to care for people more. I also put in effort to think more about others than only myself. I told my mind that I should always put myself in others shoes and to think about what they are going through. Are they really who they are? Is what I see or senses wrong? Somehow some faults would come in and interfere with my "once" beautiful thoughts. Its like drastic mood swings here and there. I thought I could control it by eating fish oil, evening primrose pills? I think in the end its not just the diet but what is really going on inside me?

I really like this person cause love is not just friendship but also intimacy. I cant fall in love with my friends whom I cant be intimate. I seriously dont know its my fault or whatsoever. I know having a bf, I should be supportive and not argumentative. Thinking what he did is not to my liking and I dont like it. But how about him?

Was the problem due to I didnt trust him enough? Or I am still in a low self-confidence state? Many things I have to un-learn and re-learn.

Am I asking him to much, as in luxurious indulges which he cant affort yet?

I am so use to being pampered and now I have to depend on myself for my own happiness. Sometimes seriously, I want to just give up but something in me that I know if I give this up I would not become the person I want to become. Somehow, I didnt give up on this whole plan and I still want to continue to persevere. From young, I have the feeling that I am going to be someone different. I would have something huge and great to do in the future. My aspirations are always to be scientist, lawyer, archaelogist etc. I want to discover something and fight for something. I know I am born for great things, because God has place me in many tough situations which I have to hang on to and challenge myself. From unfriendly to classmate in Kindergarten and got reprimanded by teacher and to being reprimanded in dance as being the most stupidest dancer that ever live. Seriously, there is so much more to learn and discover.

Thank God, I am a very keen learner in many areas and I would not give up on training myself to higher level. Studying to me is easy, I dont request myself to be top or distinctions holder. Studying is just to get the cert for better jobs.

Now, I have to depend on myself only. No one could help me and please dont offer to help me. I have to get up myself and only myself will I learn and experience better. If growing up means money, fashion and clubs, I would say nothing is more enriching than breaking your limits and reaching your goals.

If Anthony Robbin, Joel Osteen, T.Harv Eker or anybody else who have break through all odds just to reach their destiny, I COULD DO BETTER!

God has placed me in so many tough situations and HE has pull me through and made me learn friendships, boldness, communications, relationships and myself. I know I can depend on him.

=P

Just give me encouragements will do =P

Was it ever that easy?

2010-01-24T21:32:00.003+08:00

Little kids can solve maths problems, they thought it was hard.

If life was that simple as my algebra problems, i am willing to take it again and again. What was the big deal about maths problems anyway?

If PSLE was ever that stressful to u, what is life?

When we grow up, it is not just physically but mentally.

The cradle of life, the divulge of living.

So how do u want to live?
The process of living is always getting tougher and stronger.
At a certain stage of living, the problems then was always so humongous and tedious to go through.

Now as growing young adults, as we looked back to maths problem sums and examinations, would we still think they were hard to solve anymore?
No!

Why? Because we have gone through the many failures in solving the problems and many ways of solving them were revealed to us.

Crossroads, we are bound to meet them.

Does it means that if we chose the wrong path and everything would be wrong again forever and there is no path to head back to righteous again?

If we meet only one crossroad, then sorry to say we cant head back anymore.

If life is only a cross and the rest were straight paths would it be better?
Life is not about being right all the time, we, humans err.
It is about repetance, no matter what religion you are talking about or what life philosophy you are carrying.

How we deal with our mistakes and corrections, is all up to our decisions.

Nobody, not even GOD can force you to do things. It is all up to us and GOD's everlasting love that has always and forever here, that would lead us and direct us to what was uphold for us.

We must treasure and embrace such gifts to us.

PSALM 118:6 The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do undo me?
PSALM 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

I hope my dear friend that no matter what circumstances we are in now. Let us face it bravely, accept it, learn from it, forget it and move forward so that we can treasure the precious life that was given to us even before we were borned.

Let us not judge and condemn what others had done or do undo us but accept the fact that humans are fragile and vulnerable. We are uncomparable to what is above us and what life holds for us.

Dear friends, there are far greater and better things than death.
Treasure our time now!

Your World My World

2010-01-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

Supremacy is not my forte.
Could you just pretend that i am invisible?
You cant touch me for you cant see me.

Sithering through your walls.
And yet you cant see me at all.
I didnt mean to intrude for my ancestors left me this route.
Malicious and cold i may seem.
Why should you even build a rampart?
Cant you see i am not equip with fangs?

Your innocent sanctuary is not my temptation
You can live in this semi seclude world but can you still pretend to be ignorance?
Invaded soon.
Will u become like me or vice versa?
Anticipating.

My plane ,your paper aeroplanes, where are u from?
Fly up, fly down.
Folding up, folding down.
Piercing through thoughts in the sky.
You...
I... wonder...
Your window, my window.
Whose vision is greater?
So darling, tell me what are you thinking?

Your smile is contagious.
Where is your pain? I cant see.
Was that your facade to your invaders?
Your red cloak shelters away all your fear.
I hope you're true.
I hope you're truely happy.

So do you think i am a trespaser?
Paper aeroplanes were you hurt?
High, high you fly.
Its presence has brought life to you.
Your curiousity, your cheerfulness through your gleaming eyes.
I had no doubt now.

I hope your blessed so are your family.
Your world my world.
Do we need classes now?
Yellow, white all of us.
Stop the veil we are wearing.
Why should there be deception between us?
Push this feeling away, please!

Clothed with superiority, do i have to?
I have no reason to do that.
How much more do we want to fall into this deep hole?
Now, the world i am from, we have eyes and yet we are still groping.
What is blinding you?
Your desires? Your wealth? Yourself?
Are we from this world?
Where is your abba father?
Come back... The shepherd is searching franctically!

Please dont feel so alone anymore for I am u and u are me and HE is with us all!

My AUGUST!

2009-08-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

HOW I WANTED TO POST MY AUGUST SCHEDULE HERE USING OUTLOOK... WELL... IM SO HAPPY THAT I FINALLY ORGANISED MY TIME.
MY TIME is divided among: BF, Home, Church, Work, Friends and ALSO SELF!!! =P
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY! AT LEAST I CAN RELAX FOR 3 DAYS!! =P

Still Metamorphosis-ing

2009-07-01T21:59:00.002+08:00

A new girl came into Gardenia today.
I wasnt really excited about her arrival, I just had a sense of unease. Weeks before she came, there were so much gossips about who she is and what's her motives for being attached here. I mean what so good abt my company? After 4 months of working, there wasnt much I can really work for. Well, all I can say is the management is weak. I was definitely expecting it to be different. I was unsure how this person would be like: what's her character? How she looks?

Fat? Short? Thin? Tall? Blah Blah Blah...

From afar, I saw her walking with the sycophantic R&D manager, her features were so indistinct, I cant wait to see the real her.

So when you get to know her after conversations and you saw her, you wouldnt think she is haughty with someone like her background. You know what I mean, RICH!

Ok, her shoes and bag she is wearing and carrying doesnt pull her any lower than a middle class citizen!

Since, she is from Food Science, I wouldnt think of hiding her in the office and doing paperwork stuffs! Unlike some people who want to protect her because of who she is.

Well, she is pretty and I do admit I got a little jealous at first.
Somehow, I got enlightened and I know she is who she is and I am who I am. we are humans but we are not the same in characters. She has her forte and I have mine. It doesnt matter anymore, when you know you are loved. No matter whether the love is from family, future spouses, friends or even GOD, we all deserved to be loved and cherished.

I am already glad that I have such family, though they are not rich, not poor but I had a responsible dad and mom who have given us wonderful childhood and many learning experiences. I am who I am is because of their loves.

Not to mention, my bf too! He gave me many tough times and those tough times I think have build up our relationship. We cherished each other more and learn more about the negative sides of us. Communicate, compromise and grow! Because nobody is perfect not even relationship. I am very grateful for him being with me all the time when I needed him. His accompaniment has been a blessing to me and also mine to him. I thanked him for his wonderful patience and tolerance towards me!
Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!

God, my dearest protector and care giver! Jesus, the saviour to mankind and his wonderful grace! How I adore him! Peaks or valley, depressed or happy, HE will always be there for you! His presence is 24 hrs, just like 7 eleven stores! My Kindergarten, Primary and Secondary school life are so much a joy to me! Praise Jesus, because I knew he protected and guided me all along! In his loving arms, I can declare I am loved and protected very much!

May wisdom and strength be upon me, OH GOD! Amen!

Nite! Nite!
Sweetie! =P

Dare To Forgive?

2009-06-19T21:15:00.004+08:00

Ages since I posted here. OCT 2008? Haha.

Well, since I meant ages obviously even babies turn teenagers.

Remember dearest invisible readers? I used to write intriguing and sensational posts. I think I am having trouble getting those thoughts into words, since I am not in creative writing. I do enjoy creative writing, it was something I quite look forward to, though it can be threatening and scary each week of lesson. The ideas got to be there always.

Just watch Oprah 1hr 30mins ago. Kent Whitaker. I hope I spelt his name correctly. He had undergone a somewhat unbelievable tragedy. His own son (Bart), killed his own family members (mom and younger brother). Well, it was a plot set up by his elder son. He requested his friends to kill his family. It was said that Bart had live a life which he could not figure out who he really is in this world. He received no love and gave no love. (I felt that no one in this world can live by himself only. You just have to have the faith to believe that there is love that exist in this world even though it can be hard to believe sometimes, especially when people whom we loved betray us. Just have faith! Just believe!)

How is it possible that a seemingly happy and loving family, suddenly turn into a family that dont even know or understand each family member? Does communications play a part? Or are we too sure that we had already understand each other? Can a happy family be a facade to those deep dark sides of us? Us as in humans?

Kent was brave. I wonder how he got such great strengths to fight this clearly difficult emotional war? God has given him strengths and wisdom to deal with it. His faith towards God has given him the courage to hang on, because he knew God would not forsake him. Blessed Agape!

Why? Why? What triggered Bart to set up this plan to kill his family? He told Linda Ling (Oprah Correspondence) that since young he knew that the things he had was not what he wanted, the good grades, good behaviour boy etc were what his parents ask of him. He felt he is not himself but if he becomes himself, he was afraid he would lost affection from his parents. (He didnt know that no matter how bad you can be, parents will always be there for him. He was their precious, just as his younger brother. Its too late to figure his thoughts now, how you wish God could speak to him before such things happen. Ego, self-centred was lingering inside him, it was just too hard to penetrate.)

Forgive is the first step to healing. kent wanted so much to heal that he had to learn to forgive. Never take things for granted. Learned to discover your true self. It can take time but get someone to bring you through if you cant figure it out yourself. Never blame anyone for your misfortunate cause nobody will know unless you say it out. This is something I have to learn too. Overall, open your hearts and allow love to penetrate through, you will never know.

Anyway something that I had learned today. Something worth pondering over for everyone, especially Singapore. It was just to bliss to be true sometimes.

* http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20080904_tows_whitaker

random post by MAi

2008-10-21T12:37:00.001+08:00

today is a boring day
yesterday was more worse
i hope some excitement will happen soon
mp is kind of sucks
keep doing micro test and so on
BORING!
hope kalpana can give some excitement to my mp
maybe a hunky lab partner or supervisor will do
i don't mind doing lab work all day
hmm... btw, me & the girls going to night safari soon
for the halloween theme
i'll wait patiently for the free tickets
coz mai got inter connection there
while jenn got discounts on them
waiting for nd lecture now
later doing lab test then pdm lecture
haiz... school starts already
yays! can see cutie mai and the rest!
thats it for today
wait for more updates
chiaoz

Rowan atkinson's recommended short play

2008-09-03T21:18:00.002+08:00

Tom. dick and harry

Pink Tights & Plenty of Props

Back to basics!

2008-08-31T14:53:00.005+08:00

Recently, there has been many things goin on.. major project, school, factory, work, vincent and knowing more frenz.
I m starting to feel the burden now and it was only through small little sketches then i find some inner peace.
Here are some random sketches done when i was working:

Starry Starry Night... Dear Vincent...

2008-07-30T17:11:00.006+08:00

Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

Vincent Van Gogh painted it in the asylum in 1889.
His life was never as beautiful as his painting.
Such contradictions!
He died when he attempted suicide with bullets.
His painting was never really recognised till he died.
What is the use of looking at his paintings when the creator has already died?
His sanity is proabably a gift for him.
If such sanity brought him more sorrow than happiness, whats the use of keeping his sanity?
Are all brilliant impressionists insane?

But his beautiful insanity has bought me a creation that gave remembrance of a beautiful relationship.
Whenever i heard this song and look at the painting, it brought me back to last sat when i sat under a starry night with him.
Simple things of sharing a snicker and taking pics and walking aimlessly around the artistically built infrastructure. Dim lit circular lightings, patches of smooth water on the labyrinth marbled walkways. Small crowd of spectators around the cartoonist. None of the commotion matters to us bcos we really enjoyed ourself that night.

Though, there had been many downs and ups, i cannot denied that true love doesnt grow from giving gifts, sending flowers, remembering her birthday, sending love msgs etc. They are small act of love and of cos not to forget doing some small loving actions like that once in a while. Nonetheless, a person can give u flowers, buy u chocolates, send u cards, give u surprises but that cannot prove that he loves u as much. In the end, the most impt that a guy can give u is his time. time cannot be bought, no matter how much money u have, it just cant be bought. he can buy u flowers and the next he tell u he has other things to do and he cant accompany u but who else knows he is actually meeting other girls. but time can prove to u that he loves u and regard u as impt as u can be to his heart though he hardly says it in his mouth. one day has 24 hrs, he wakes up at 8 and goes to his office to work till 7 and then he left his remaining time to choose to be with u. he can jolly well say oh! i have an appoinment with so whatever and socialise with other ppl. anyone can do that and u cannot control it, thats being too demanding. when he knows he is tired and he still meet u up and he knows he hardly has enough time to compensate to u. I m really touched by it!

well, others can say that so what if he spends time with u but his heart is not wit u? then i just have to say, woman, use ur heart to feel, use ur mind to think, use ur eyes to see, use ur ears to listen. did he asked u are u thirsty, are u hungry, do u wanna eat? do u need a rest? if ur bag is heavy u want me to carry it for u? u wanna eat this or that?

(while i was typing this he called me, sweet!)

I can say that sometimes in life, you have got to learn how to accept and let go. expect less but give more cos life still have to go on. in the end he knows me the best, thats why i learn so much from his point of view of what kind of a person im. i can say i a stubborn mule, i can be aggressive and headstrong, im a princess, neglect how ppl who are close to me feel. and the most impt is i learn how to communicate and understand ppl better now. all those books and audios. they are not a waste bcos they will remind me of how tough his teaching was to me. my first relationship wit a guy was short but sweet and i was not smart enough to realise i broke so many rules abt how to keep a man. until the day when i met him, he gave me lots of chances to change until at the most critical point of time i break down. and he was really anger. if not for a gd conver we had on that night and not for telling him how much he meant to me and he is not for granted, i would have lost him by now. i would have lost a very close frenz to me.

i presume my ex bf, might have tired of waiting for me to change but he never ask and talk to me abt why i feel this way and he immediately give up.

Now, i can tell u keeping a relationship as it was with sparks here and there is tough, nevertheless nothin is easy. But i think of all my life spent in this world, nothin is more fascinating when i reached 19, bcos im beginning to feel so filled with fascinations abt the world that i have never been exposed to b4.

And suddenly, i have doubts in what is beyond the horizon.

Today wasnt any better

2008-06-30T10:42:00.002+08:00

Today or ytd nite till i dunno when will this kind of darkness descend.
I really hope for some light to be shone into my life soon.
I have seriously regretted for being stubborn and unwilling to accept my own mistakes.
I dunno when i can still live this kind of cold shoulder life.
Its like someone dump u in a well and expect u to climb up urself.
I feel like asking someone who knew me very well last time what the hell did i treat him in the past?
I cant believe such a petite girl like me can be a monster.
I can tell u everything now is so horrible.
But i have to overcome all these myself because these are all that i deserved to be.

The only thing now that i can depend on are my school work and my attachment work.
I have got logic mind so what?

I hate to have handphone now because whenever i see my handphone without a phone call or an sms from him, i feel so dissapointed.

At least when i was sick last time he would ask me how i was and would come over to my house to see me. But now i lost that.

Though there is a frenz whom he also supports me and ask me if i wan him to accompany me to the clinic today, but he wasnt the one that i wanted the most.

Its really horrible and i dunno why its so horrible now. Haha can u believe im tearing while typing all this out?

Then it occur to me a song by one republic and timbaland: apologize.

"Its too late to apologize.. Its too late..."

Now i dunno who i seek love from.

I have lost 2 precious things in my life: love and health

AND I WANT BOTH BACK NOW!
I WANT THEM BACK PLS!

No matter how much we fight we still lose to love

2008-06-29T21:18:00.003+08:00

If u ever think of urself as the greatest? You just think of urself as always the right one?
It has been a long time since i have updated in this blog.
Let me tell u the greatest thing that i have and i need to change are all these:

Can u ever believe a person like me can be so much of a bad girl in a relationship?
Can u believe such simple things i cant even achieve?

Ytd i really have the urge to give up but i told myself no! i cant give up!
Then today i have got another blow to my heart when i was coughin so badly... i really dunno whats goin on this week? Its just aint my week. I didnt forcus on being scolded but i was. Ytd morning i was being so positive and i look for the day but why must eveything fall when im so positive thinkin? i dun understand... sometimes i doubt the law of attraction.then i just realised that i must have been a long time never experience a blow on my heart since sec 1 when i was humilated in front of my dance class.

when im now coughing so badly who will care?

In the end...

2008-03-25T16:37:00.005+08:00

Today is a brilliant day!
Today is a NEW day!
Today is the re-transformation of Moi!
Today, i realised that all these while i have been seeking the wrong things...
I have been asking and being with the wrong things.
I wasnt happy for the past few months bcos I have been pursuing things that i shldnt be pursuing.
That wasnt me at ALL!
What happen to the Me who loves sketching, loves nature, loves exploring, loves dancing, loves music, loves breathing and simply just loves the world?
I lost the real self.
I lost the me!
All these while, i have been seeking for things that what other people want but not what i really loves and want.
During these past few months, i have been seeking to find the truth, to find the real happiness.
I try to find in books, i try to find in people, i try to find in environment.
All these while, the only true answer is found within myself!
Within ur own inner feelings, within ur true peace, within urself!
I used to think i shld be like some girls, i thought i shld dressed like them. But dont get me wrong, i still like to dress well but the meaning of dressing well shldnt be just to be like someone but it SHLD BE what u dressed in are what u are comfortable in.
You shldnt care abt what others feel but rather be more conscious of how u feel.

You are who you are!
Nobody can be YOU!

We are living in a world that the media controls our feeling aand our true self.
We seek approval through the "CORRECT" dressing, the dressing that what the media thinks or what most people think are presentable, at least not a country pumpkin dress sense!

The only strongest people are people who can make their own stand and stop the world from controlling them. They know what they are doing and is clear of their actions and they dun really follow the momentum of the world instead they follow their comfortable pace and are in peace but yet they still survive and are more strong in their minds than the others.

We are more than what we are in this world, no one is stupid, its just that they havent found the correct way to develop their mind. Its the realisation of being able to seek wisdom not only from the text but also from the world that can make us better people to live in these earthly riches.

No more shld we seek peace and happiness from others but shld seek happiness from ourselves. Bare this in mind: we are our own happiness!

When you realised what i have said is the truth, you will realised a true eternal happiness within you.

Let us all find out true happiness, and let us live our life to the fullest!

May God Bless You!
=P

A Lost Self. A New You.

2008-03-24T22:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we stand in between our own ego and the others' desires.
You did try hard to do what the person desires from u, however, we cannot always live in a fantasy land.
Something you just cant achieve it even though you try to be, bcos it is just not you.
We always seem to lose ourselves in the process of changing and when we thought we can change to be better bcos you want the other person to be happy, it doesnt seems to be the case.
You will start to think, is my transformation worthwhile?
Ages ago, we have already said we will not be together forever, bcos we do not share the common vision.
So ok, i understand the circumstances but why is there always repetition of "I Love You"?
This, i cannot understand. I dont even know where I was in this relationship.
Friendship? Love?
Why are all humans so weak and vulnerable?

So ok let me go read the book, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.
I Seek Inner Peace =P

This week, my week.

2008-02-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

Appetite decrease. Tired. Slp late.

NO! I am not going to slp late ever again!
2230 MAX!

Just finish watching a HK drama show...
"The Price of Greed"
Lots have been learned from the show...

The Good and the Pretentious Good.
Then the Bad.

Someone can treat u so gd at the start and then betrayed u...
They seem to be such loving couple... hmmmm.. sounds like those match made in heaven...

Nanping wanzhong shui feng piao song...

those wonderful memories that they onced share... lost!
But what was gained back was even better than those lost...

...Its ok to lose smth but just keep in ur faith and believe what will be given back to u will be even more...

I always trust in god to guide me and lead me to paradise...
That's the most impt thing to remember even if u forget what is taught...

Sweeney Todd.. Never forgive. Never forget.
I watched it ytd...
Well... sweeney died and so was his wife...
Pratically almost everyone died...
Pretty sad...
BUT WHO CARES? Its none of my business...
I JUST LOVE THE PLOT AND THE ART DIRECTION...
TIM BURTON... always so dark... LOL
Cool...
Not forgetting those british accents...

well...
Who knows?

IF U WERE ME

2008-02-10T22:36:00.000+08:00

LOL I wanted to write something pretty sad but i got over it....

Just bought CELINE DION's new album, taking chances.
FANTASTIC!

I keep on saying FANTASTIC these few days...

NEW YEAR IS JUST A MONEY COLLECTING DAY!
200 plus...
NOT BAD..
I DONT TALK TO ANY OF MY COUSINS...
TV IS MY COMPANION...
I USED TO PLAY AND TALK TO MY COUSINS WHEN IM YOUNG...
AS NEW YEAR ONLY COMES ONCE A YR...
WE DREW APART...

WELL...
I AM JUST GLAD MY COUSIN IS FINALLY GOING TO GET MARRIED!
HAPPY FOR HER!
WHEN TO HER NEW HOUSE...
NOT BAD...
AT LEAST ITS YELLOW!
LOL!

...LOL I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY SUDDENLY...
MY MIND JUST WANNA SLP!
CONTINUE TML... LOL

Finding Happiness in the Midst of Aimless

2008-01-25T10:46:00.000+08:00

A Book of Hymn spread opened on my cold bed.
Sing to me!
Let the voices rectified my soul.
Ages ago...
The chorus shook the house of God..
In there I ignored him...
It has been years till i realised I have been living in the House of God.
Yesterday night...
I stumbled upon an ancient truth..
Crusified on the cross sodden with his cleansing blood upon our sins.
The world is AIMLESS.
Shone by his grace, his light!
He is the one thing that I need.
His AGAPE,unconditional love guides us his way and covers us with warm comfort.

Faith is all i need in this place of sanctuary.
Praise onto you, oh lord!

God, grant me the serenity to be in a healthy relationship, accepting myself and the other person for who we are, the willingness to hold the line or change my expectations when appropriate and the wisdom to know the difference.Amen.

Something you wished to hold on, holds nothing more to be bear by the heart.
Tell me is it time to make an end?
Are we borned as who you expected us to be or can we change easily?...

Its a wonderful DAE!

2008-01-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

Oh Oh Oh!...

ITS A WONDERFUL DAY!
THERE IS THE BEAUTIFUL SKY!
LUSH FLORA!
COLOURFUL PEOPLE!

I LOVE BEING WITH MY FRENZ...
I LOVE CHATTING WITH VIN!
MY oh MY!

EVERYDAY SHLD BE AS UPBEAT AS IT SHLD BE...
HAPPY GO LUCKY

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

OK IM CRAZY...
SEND ME TO BUANGKOK...
I M GOIN IN TO BE WITH MY BEST MATE PARROT
LOL

OH PARROT HERE I COME...
LOL...

=P

I've Found YOU!

2008-01-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

Ytd morning was a nasty day!
Cos Im NASTY!
REALLY NASTY!
Can u believe i treat my frenz better than my bf? i really realised it!
I think that im like a little child holding my father's hand, throwing a tantrum, refusing to submit to anyone except my OWN WAYS!
I think vin is my second 'father' so as to speak...
When i think back and realised i really hadnt grown up yet...
I cant believe im actually laughing at myself when vin reprimanded me!
And i cant believe that i find that the way he scolded me is so humourous!
I wanted to laugh but I am afraid to laugh especially at an inappropriate time.

How childish am i going to get b4 i can really think more maturely?
I mean im actually LAUGHING at myself!
This is so serious.
Even my own mind cannot tolerate my own self!

Vin and me waited at the bus stop and i was so in the midst of finding someone to go to the park with me... i try to seek out my best frenz to accompany me but he couldnt cos he had to got to his grandma's bday celebration...

I thought of going alone to pasir ris park cos i really wanted to go there... i really need a quiet place to ponder... which is actually one of my fav things to do... unfortunately.. no one can accompany and ponder with me...

At the time when i couldnt find anyone to accompany me... i feel so alone... and my mind just wish that vin can go with me... that stubborn old me just spoke and ask him, 'can u accompany me to the park?'

I cried... i cried in front of him as i spoke... but he didnt reprimand me instead he cheered me up and i didnt want to face the public with my wet face and so i hid silently on his shoulder to cry and i walk him back home to get his ezlink card...

...... so may things to say....

Hmmm.. my hair is always messy!
I am in love with U!

How it shld end?

2008-01-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

I thought this song is good for me to ponder over..

BACKSTREET BOYS- SIBERIA
When you come back, I won't be here.”
She said and gently pulled me near
“If you wanna talk, you can call
And, no, it's not your fault.”

I just smiled and said “Let go of me,
Now, there's something I just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?”
She said it's not my fault

Chorus:
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I was drifting in between, like I was
On the outside looking in (yeah)
And in my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been, oh

Chorus:
Yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too (want you)

Bridge:
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn’t see me
Though, I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
And in your head

When I came back, she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
"If you wanna talk, gimme a call."

Heart did time in Siberia (oh, yeah)
Was waiting for the lie to come true (yeah, yeah)
Cause it's all so dark and mysterious (so dark, and mysterious)
When the one you want doesn't want you too
(when the one that you want doesn't want you)

Chorus:
My heart did time in Siberia (Siberia, yeah, yeah)
Was waiting for the lie to come true (I'm waiting, I'm waiting)
'Cause it’s all so dark and mysterious (mysterious)
When the one you want doesn't want you too

Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
_______________________________________________________

Sometimes being in love is more agonising than being out of...
No matter how it is i just wish to be with him forever bcos i think i have found someone i can lean on.... however.. all gd things will end somehow...

ends....

YEAH MAN! Zeig Hail!

2008-01-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

Woke up feeling lethargic.
Mom called me at 730 but i couldnt get up till i slpt till 8.
I dun even feel like going to schl.
Kinda hate lectures.
I tried to put on my contacts to no avail.
9am, I moved off.

Brought my contacts and i wore it in schl. Alas!

Lecture. PBPN. Copy and understand at the same time. No wonder we need 2 sides of the brain.

PROJE CTS!
OH NO!
I didnt manage to do much of the task given cos i was rather busy...

HAUTAUSER! Marquis General Herman Von Heizinger.
Woah.. I actually manage to win him HAHA
depend on luck sometimes.
And i thought he dun want me anymore...

Met vanessa and CY.
Had a great time. Vanessa was able to give me opinions on some dresses and i manage to buy 2 at the end and also some accesories from diva and chomel lol.
Pasta de Kakuro (if i remember the name correctly lol) woah! pretty gd the food there but the portion is small lol.. and 3 person eat woah 55 dollars plus!!!

Ah GST!

ciao..

The Wombats Pic LOL

2008-01-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

WOW! WOW! wow!

2008-01-01T13:52:00.000+08:00

Guess u know Will Smith.

Resident Evil Look-Alike?
I think its more of The Mummy Returns Look-Alike.
The zombies can roar!
Well, he definitely is a legend. He left behind a legacy of the SAVED People.
Basically, he is a hero, just like any superman show.
The movie is a little mundane at the start; Will Smith's survival at New York with his pooch.

The part when he looked at his watch and shut all the excess to his home, you would have already guess that the mutated humans aka zombies were afraid of the sun (UV).
He acted so cool and calm but you're a little surprised when he got very afraid when he went into the zombies' den to rescue his dog. Actually you can see that he is afraid to lose his only companion in New York. You can practically feel the loneliness he has suffered. He lost his kid and wife and everyone he knew either turn into zombies or were dead. You will think twice of leaving alone or being alone after you watched this movie. Just imagine every single day, you talked to those plastic models, pretending they are humans. His eyes solden with sadness and desperation for at least someone, someone who is alive to talk to him.
In the midst, he even lost hope in god till he found someone who told him that she believes in god will provide a way out for them. She did not lost her faith and trust in god even when the situation can be so drastic. This leave us to thinking abt our faith and trust in God. Are we faithful to him?

Ytd! New Year Eve! I slp really late cos i went back at around 4am?! AVP2 starts at 2.25am (Alien VS Predator 2). Lots of teenagers especially the guys, batches of them coming into the theatre to fill up most of the seats.

AVP2 is definitely a cool action movie and its a bait for guys. Just imagine the alien fighting with the predator (you will know what i mean if u have watched the AVP b4). The predator is my fav character in the movie. I cant wait for it to show off its powerful and yet the state of the art gadgets and weapons. It has a canon on its shoulder, those really sharped blades that work like a frisbee, the 3M kind of sticky disc that sticks to the wall and shoots out laser beam, a spear that has 2 sharp blades at both ends when u twist them out, those wolverine kind of blades on its hand, those guns that need no ammo and shoots out blue balls of energy that blast the alien's head off and those long whip thing that reminds me of power range the movie when kimberley uses it in battle against the enemies. Oh and not forgetting my fav power which is the cloaking! The predator disappears! WOOSH!

The movie is very typical kind of action movie and the only part that i like is the battle between the predator and the aliens. The humans in this movie are just not high-tech enough to combat those invaders. A warning! This movie can be very gross to watch! I just cant stand intestines missing and rupture and pregnant women as the targets for the alien. It is a very bad influence to the brain...
LOL and the funny thing is i dreamt of myself being hunted by the aliens and holding guns in my dream when i got back home to slp lol...
It was an adventure!

Talking about reality and the fantasy, i really shld remind myself that a game is just a game, i shldnt care too much abt it. i think i can train my brain to project this kind of thoughts in my mind bcos i used to be very up tight abt results and marks last time but i sort of eliminate them... now i m rather carefree hehe =P
So at the end of the day, i have learned smth more about myself; I CAN REALLY BE A SORELOSER!

Then i receive a video from my frenz ytd. It is my sec 4 class. Enjoy watching! It brings me very fond memories.

My true blog post.

2007-12-25T13:52:00.000+08:00

One day, I was feeling bored and I just had an urge to read those past journals that I wrote about myself.

I was really surprised that the first 7 journals that I wrote was full of expressions and emotions.

My first journal was a light hearted one called Beetle.
It was about a mishap that I had with a beetle during one of the nights when I get to do absolutely nothing. LOL

And the second journal that I wrote was about me and my ex bf walking down the pavement down the train track during a stormy day.
I described myself as feeling bless and "just like a starving little girl being given a luscious peach, delectable!"
And Ms Chung wrote, "Rain has a way of evoking all kinds of memories."

My third journal was about Stephen King whom I used to love reading his stories. This journal is crafted based on one of Stephen King's stories about split personalities and therefore I wrote about my 2 different personalities. Robin is analytical, solemn, quiet and boyish, who sees world full of despondency, wreakage and obscurity.
The other part of me are the sounds of myself playing with blissful children, running with scuffling feet, chasng around under a well-branched tree. She is spontaneous, adventurous, loving, full of fanatasy and hope.

Then 2 more journals appeared as a more emotional writing. I wrote about love and about ugliness. "The air tastes more of a loathsome, a pinch of brackisk and tart here and there and only a little towards luscious." "You're perfect! Everyone is. Salient? All you have to do to be salient is to put on make up, dolled up yourself, but just lokk at her, her face almost distorted beyond recognition."

There are a few more journals that I wrote and my writings are the reflections of me. To a person who can appreciate beauty and ugliness and distortion of the world, most probabaly I would make an acquaintance to him or her. To a person who prefer a more realistic view of the world or should I say more mercenary, my thoughts and behaviours would be of unusual and of not acceptance to him/her.

I am an art and a science person. I have both logic and creativity. If I am a business woman, I would be a woman who works and also appreciates and enjoys a relaxing afternoon in spa or just a chat over a cup of coffee. I wouldnt mind spending my weekends on pottery or art appreciation in medieval art, which I adore. I like a bit of the nature where I wouldnt mind spending an extra dosh to learn horse riding if i can find horses that are not taller than me. LOL. I like a little bit of indulging myself once in a while if I can earn a whole some of $$$ and I wouldnt deny I wouldnt do all sort of ways to get $$$ (I mean legal ways of cause).

If I am a cook with a flair of creativity in food, I would think of ways to create more profits for myself.

I enjoy both the creativity of art and the logic of science.

I have so much things I wanted to say about myself for after so long of confinement. LOL.

I didnt know that working in departmental store has so much enjoyment in it. I was exposed to Singaporeans and LOTS of them.
The government might most probably increase some incentives for women on maternity leave that I realised there is an increase of pregnant women and LOTS of children. Children are so adorable with a little surprises of being a little devilish at times. They cry and they laugh. They are an emotion-thermometer which fluctuates almost everytime. I used to think I hate children but I cant deny my feelings for them anymore. They are the most loveliest creations of god. There are definitely more joy than sadness when they are around. Nothing is more impt that having your own family who loves u and u love them. Nothing is more impt than being loved.

As a student for 14 years since 4 years old, studying is my top priority and all my life till now I am still stuck in this mundane routine of studying and exams. I got tired most of the time. Just 2 days ago, I came up wit a checklist of the things I should be doing everyday. They includes emotional changes, spiritual changes, study goals and physical goals. I was motivated to do those lists of things everyday, but somehow u feel that they are so material. Those things should make me to become a robot. I should do the things I love to do and doing them with someone I love and he loves me as much that he is willing to do the things I love too. Sharing our interests together! Having loads of fun of doing our favourites!

I am not stupid! I am not slow! I am not worthless! I am doing the best I can do everyday! In my family, no one will say you are worthless, everyone will encourage one another. Though sometimes, we will joke about one another. Be understanding not demanding, be gracious not judgemental. Be fun loving not a wet blanket. The most impt is to be nice even though the person is not nice. Love others the way u want others to love u.

LOL. I didnt knew I can write so much today just about how I m feeling. I feel so much better after writing so much. Lots of emotions and thoughts I cant really express out verbally but I can definitely write out.

Ho! Ho! Ho! My hands and neck are aching from all those typing. I better sign out.
25 DECEMBER!
Merry Xmas Everyone!
May the year be a blessed one for all of u!

=P
Cheers!
(P.s. Chow Yoke! I miss sharing my detective stories and my landscape drawings with u! I think I still a little history freak! Want to know more about adolf hitler? or Qing Dynasty? =P LOL)

Shopping Day! Bad Day!

2007-12-24T20:41:00.000+08:00

24/12
Chirstmas Eve.
Shopping DAY!
I woke up with a sore throat! AHEM! HEATY! Must drink plenty of water!
It was crowded everywhere. even tampiness
I cant believe Chirstmas was a much greater day to celebrate than Chinese New Year.
Chirstmas actually became much more than a public holiday.
Everywhere, there were discount. 10% 15%...
Ladies come out from their comfortable house to shop.
Even guys do too. They probably shop for new pc games to play. LOL
As i couldnt find a perfect kind of shoe for myself, i went to Orchard instead.
Found a pair of white heels and a dress at isetan scotts.
Mommy got lots of isetan vouchers to use, so we might as well use them.
I havent use the ESPIRIT vouchers yet! lol
It was so crowded and boring from all the walking till we decided to go at 4.30...
We bought LOTS of sushi from isetan for our dinner and i cant believe it cost 40plus dollars!
Luckily we still have a 10dollars voucher to use LOL.
I am tired from all those dark coloured dresses but unfortunately i have to buy one LOL.
I am waiting for more brightly coloured dresses and so i can buy them all! LOL.
I love dresses now and heels and bags. hehe.
Let me show u some beautiful pics from vogue LOL.
These are the designs that i love... enjoy!

I will show u more when i have the time to surf vogue! LOL
HAVE A WONDERFUL XMAS!

Days go by...

2007-12-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

20/12
Ha! i didnt even know it was Hari Raya Haji.. i was just surprised that there was a rush of foreign workers on the street.
I lost count of the days!
I went around shopping for xmas pressie... but i cant seem to find something within my budget and also interesting enough to intrigue me to buy them... i guess i am looking for a perfect gift.
I went to douby then to orchard then down to somerset to city hall back to somerset and to prinsep
We went to prinsep in search of the Mind Cafe.
Unfortunately, it was crowded... Well.. public holiday!

We walk around non stop lol... until the crowd in orchard was building up at round 7pm..
Toy R Us... Precious Thought..
And i cant believe to my horror... a "stupid" gift shop at plaza sing actually sell Citadels at 55.90?
Hey i bought it only at 30 plus!

Hehe.. i saw this really nice "toy" at taka... and im not suppose to take the pic.. and i got scolded... lol

It's mechanism works by pushing the carts up the tower and then the carts will just slide down all together...
pretty cool and cute!
I love these kinda of 'ancient' toys! lol
I think we got all too tired from the walking.... lol

21/12
Play heroes III
Play Twilight
Play Citadel
Lazy to buy lunch. LOL
A struggle to buy Starcraft

I enjoy playing Citadel and Heroes III the best.
I LOVE U!

22/12
I woke up with a bad throat..
I feel so horrible
I am looking forward to the turkey and the sausages.
Vin came and find me.
I am so HAPPY!
Play Citadel
I feel so sick when i was playing Citadel, probably bcos of my throat..
My hands are cold and i drank the whole bottle of water.
After sending him to the busstop..
I went back home to download some songs till i feel so horrible that i slept till 7pm
Shayne Ward's breatheless is good...
I listen to it and i was reminded of Vin till i fall asleep and my MP3 went flat.

Listen to Adam Khoo and AR... i suddenly have the urge to create the best brownie recipe ever!
LOL
I think i finally found something that i love to do and i will work towards it everyday... test and try all sort of brownies available... lol =P

Im still thinking of what area of job i should take when schl reopen... hmmm...
I miss VIN!
=P

Today! ACHE!

2007-12-18T20:43:00.000+08:00

OH what a packing day!
Iguides!
Start PACKING NOW!

I really feel like im being abuse... oh pls dun remind me of the Walmart slavery incident.. LOL
Well.. im kidding...
I like to pack stuff actually... but i realised i cannot continuously do the packing...
MY NECK, BACK and LEGS ACHE!
ooo....
Feel like i have just risen from a long slp in a coffin...

Basically with our parrot friend with us... we just "LAUGH! and LAUGH! and LAUGH! again"

What a DAY! =P

2007-12-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

LOL
16/12
Ijah's Birthday! hehe...
the DRP Gang (hmmmm... amanda not around cos she is at her dolphin lagoon hehe =P Cute!)
Btw ytd nite.. i baked brownies! for the first time... the used to be disgusting brownies turn out fine... weird... i wonder whether it got to do with the muffin cups... lol...

Meet in the morning at 11am... but raz and shirleen came in lata... so "we" play bowling first!

Shirleen's turn...

The coaching...

Here comes the other brother...

More pics of the day...

Samurai RAZ! HEHE...

Spiderman.. Spiderman... Here is our freindly neighbour SPIDER-man!

Acting CUTE the "Brothers"... hehe

Ijah eating our "specially made for her birthday" cake... nah its bought! hehe =P Hope she likes it...

Together.. forever... oops! sry guys not alow in this pic.. hehe

Angry.. cos i took his pic secretly... "i tell u ah... if u take my pics, i will destroy ur phone!" ROAR!
hehe

Here is a video on that day of BOWLING! Watch the last few seconds of the video. Humourous!

GAME DAY! WAR!

2007-12-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

LET ME SHOW U KT TUNSTALL... LYRICS IN THE ALBUM BOOKLET..

I think its really cool... and there is so many interpretations u can make for each song...
My fav songs in the album? Hmmm... Little Favour, Only If, Saving My Face... but all are brilliant... Sounds like Rachael Yamagata? lol too bad Racheal is more of the jazy pop...
Tunstall.. Yup More ROCKISH NOW!

OK!OK!
LETS TALK ABT TODAY!
ITS SUNNY, CLOUDY and then RAINY..
BUT IT WAS FUN!

WE PLAY...
PUZZLES!
I bought the puzzle just ytd.. i find it cute and it just makes me happy when i see it... so i thought of doing the puzzle together with him... i LOVE "puzzling" with someone (especially HIM!) hehe!

Is it cute?

BATTLEFIELD!
Prepare to meet ur defeat!
Heard of Twilight Imperium III?
Here it is:

hehe....
me playing the game...

and he still setting up the game...

play and play and play....

i think we play for 4 hrs...
lol

walk in the rain...
Little turtle..
Vs
Little snail...

HEY! i am not a snail! hmph!
=P

eat
MR HAPPY FACE (B4 eaten)

After half of head is gone...

HEHE! FUNNY!

I AM HAPPY!

And so is fei fei!
HEHE..

On the way home...
emo...
HEHE..

No If Only

2007-12-13T11:09:00.001+08:00

Do i really look like a japanese girl?

LOL. That's what he says..

Hmmm... maybe i do look like...

teddy and ME!
*Took by my very own photographer.
=P

Cant wait for my tests to finish...
Bcos i HAVE THE URGE TO SHOP... i saw a really feminine shop with colourful dresses and probably i can shop with moi frenz on sat?

Bought NEW CDs!

Went to a small art exhibition. UP ABOVE ON THE TOP FLOOR OF HEEREN..
THOUGHT OF BUYING SUNNIES FOR JS.. BUT NOTHING WAS PLEASING>>

I LOVE MUSIC!
DOES MUSIC LOVES ME?
IM LOVE SICK FOR KT...

=P
TWILIGHT IMPERIUM III SHOP STROLLING...
SAW A NO. OF MEDIEVAL GAMES.. WASNT THAT NICE..
THE LORD OF THE RING BOARD GAME WASNT EVEN IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH!
MARSHA.. THOUGHT OF BUYING U LOTR FIGURINES BUT IT WASNT NICE..
I DUN EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL IS THE FACE OF THE FIGURINE!
Vin! Vin! LOVES THE SHOP!

EAT! EAT! EAT!

CUTE!
NEXT TIME IM GOING TO TAKE MORE PICS OF HIM! =P

After Eating...
Hehe..
Walk..
Books... CDs..
I saw Agatha Christie AUDIO BOOKS..
He bought his fav audio books!

AND i receive this:

TOUCHED!

The rest of the show goes on...
Till everyone was tired..

I was a killer equiped with 3 poisonous daggers!
Pierced!

Pierced!
Pierced!

WELL>>> IM TIRED OF MY OWN BEHAVIOUR SOMETIMES...
IF THE NEXT TIME I DO SUCH SILLY THINGS AGAIN..
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE...

All is peace.

I wonder who would it be?

2007-12-11T14:38:00.000+08:00

Maybe it is a game.
You just got to give a little hint here and there.
I wish i could give u more clues.
But i aint one of those game masters.

I have got a little sniff of sadness today but maybe not just today.
We are drifting back again.
What an endless journey!

I hate those feelings!
I knew that i was changing.
But it seems that it aint enough.
Oh where can we possibly be?

Such worthless way of dealing our emotions.
We do better off when we are alone aint it?

Now can u see the difference?
Its separable.

I need a little more sprinkle of love, is that fair enough?

A penny for a little love.
A pound for patience.
What would it cost to be in ur care again?

Too late.
I lost it.

Your Gentleness is Attractive to me.

2007-12-10T19:20:00.000+08:00

Maybe i do act like a predator than a prey sometimes.
Nonetheless i can be stupid at times.
No matter all those quarrels that we had, we seem to be even more stronger than before.
A little dash of anger and a little streak of happiness add in a little sprinkle of love.
We are stubborn on the outside but weak towards each other on the inside.
Our unavoidable quarrels can be very agonising but we developed patience.

Why should be seek relationship with only our own gender?
Sometimes unhappiness will create more sparks between u and him.

Have u not wonder ladies, that u actually have a beautiful home belonging to u and him?
We just have to focus on each others beauty.

Still remember the old saying "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"?

Kiss him on his cheeks and hug him closely now.
Who knows u will miss this chance next time.

Winks!

Addicted To You.

2007-12-04T10:40:00.000+08:00

Give me Coccaine!

Lub! Lub! Lub!
I mean i really need to praise the lord!
Rejoice!

I finally realised the importance of attending the chapels in school and singing praises to God..

When your life has God with u...
You feel resurrected!
You dun have to worry for anything and just put ur faith onto him.

Besides, I receive the biggest xmas present!
Hehe..
FEI FEI!

I wonder what is Fei Fei doing now?
Most probably sleeping...that's what he loves to do and can do without me besides him lol...

Vin! Vin!
I miss u leh...nvm i can see u tml! LOL

Oh pls remind me to study smart for AdFS and ComN!

P.s Timberland- apologize is FUCKINGLY Intoxicating!
Cheers!
=P

ToothPick! "stupid!"

2007-10-31T11:31:00.000+08:00

School library. Tired.. Thats what winston always say since ytd when we are doing our lab.

I confessed IM REALLY DAMN TIRED...

I cant believe im actually doing my PBPN now early in the morning with some brain damage done to my head.

I cant believe i actually enjoy doing HW now.. HAHA

TV and Games seem to be no interest to me anymore...

Except for the hypnotic laptop at home and a few chunks of websites..
ELIMINATE!

Vin went for a boot camp till the 1st 9pm.
I guess i will be missing his voice for 2 whole days starting from this morning 9am..

I am so happy he actually called me this morning cos i really miss his voice since we didnt chat on the phone ytd nite..

Puke!
Sometimes i wonder why im blogging again..
I think i am going to be sick of blogging and friendster...

Consistent Focus + Action = Ideal Life
What we focus is very impt in knowing the quality of life we live in..

Need 1 hr of self power by anthony robbin tonight again!

I am so glad vin is in my life.. im just so glad and i dunno why?

My life will be focus and filled with love and wonders!

Why should i ever think so much?

2007-10-27T11:26:00.000+08:00

Ello.
I miss so much things now...

Teenagers just wanna have fun..
Clubs, Jams, Chill...
So much more..

Ok!
There is basically so much emotion going on now...
To be focus / to be crazy

I actually wanted to write something which i keep on feeling with on and off emotions for quite some time... but i got lazy to write it out now.. though it is halfway thru microsoft...

After so much blog reading... there is no point in writting abt it anymore...

Oh Pls Fucked Off!

I needed someone to feel i am greatly loved.

2007-10-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

20 Oct 07
I woke up late in the afternoon, around 12.
I woke up missing someone, missing his hugs and kisses.
And i end up missing the past.
TV programmes seem to be the same every now and then, except for the technology that is involved.
Lunch is eaten in the same old fashion way since decades ago.
Music vibes from one genre to many.
Whatever happened to the Fugue?
Nostalgic, that’s what he said.
I saw this yellow round box. It is childish. It is decorated with bears.
I saw tapes. Small ones.
I saw words written on it. It says “History. Weimer Republic.”
Urge. An eager to listen to them. One by one.
Electricity changes to sound energy. The recorder talks.
Images of people whom i once knew reignite. Hanlin. Shuting. Mrs Lim.
I can hear vague speeches of them talking at the background. My intention was definitely to record Mrs Lim’s voice.
“Now, let’s look at this question...”
I stopped the tape.
I start to write about this. The phone plays The Click Five, Addicted To Me.
When this story ends, Nostalgic never seems to happen. I have forgotten about it.
All i ever wanted is to see him again. I knew i was greatly loved.

Grow Up And Blow Away!

2007-09-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

This 'awesome' title is actually a song title from Metric.
Grow Up!

Dun get me wrong. Clubbing is fun! its not bad. Its so socialising.
Danced and get crazy till u got to know a new frenz..
Pretty cool.
Clubbing is classified as the 'bad' thing to do for teenager bcos it always link with drugs, smoking, sexual socialising etc.
Well, eveything can always be seen in different perspectives.
People said drinking water is good for u. HEY~ too much water and all u get is a serious coma.

Well. im gonna be away for 1 week from this goddamn HERE!
will be back on 16.

btw i m quiting ballet after so long.
i lost interest.
growing up already, need to focus on stuffs that are worth focusing on.

yeah! im looking forward to the whats-goin-to-happen-after-the-1-week-vacation..
fabulous. im working in the lab again and also as a salesperson. its very challengin actually.

read a book called 'selling for dummies'
i wanna improve on my selling skills.
socialising is very cool and interesting.
different ppl react to things differently.

science is still my core.
also been reading on nutritional books.

back to the lab would be on microorganisms
gum! gum! gum!
thats what food science ppl do. GUMS!

yeah! lookin forward to a time spend on the beach. not singapore. i mean i need turquoise sea and a wide shore.

hopefully, i dun get piss off by the adults on this trip.
its ok im plannin to go overseas with my frenz after poly

keep cool everyone!
have a bloodyabsolutely funky holi!
cheers.

Looking Back.

2007-08-31T15:05:00.000+08:00

Overwhelming thoughts.
Screening off the naked lights.
Everything is a veneer, screen.
Future is unknown and unseen.
Something u deem as 'cool'
Becomes so unsavvy.
Things will grow. everything will change.
Keep mving forward. forget abt the obstacles.

Sometimes u wanna write down smth but u are just so lazy to do that..
I think im now.
oprah winfrey. a gr8 show.
Motivational. thats what i need.
im 18 i know. there is so much more i wanna achieve in my life.
not now. now is a pre-determined step.
studies. yes studies is the main priority in my life now.
focus.
*success is the continuous journey toward the achievement of predetermined, worthwhile goals.

if everything is to end well it shld start now.. or never.

i think im really changing to be more focus now..
i shld be anyway.

happy holidays!
ciao.

New Way Of Living.

2007-08-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

Now.
Focus: Exams. Revisions.

Up-coming Holidays.
Focus: Enjoy + Work.
Things to do: Differential Research Project. Salesperson. Following Gain Weight Diet. Shopping. Chill out. Clubbing.
Motivation, Learning scheme: Read sale books and nutritional and food science books and e-newsletters.(FoodNavigator)Hmmm.. any interesting books or newsletters that comes along.

(IMPT: Always keep a positive mind, obstacles are learning experiences. Onced a Failure doesnt means always!)

ERIN LUB VIN
(Thks for everything!)

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

2007-08-10T12:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday.
LOL.
I love yesterday.
It was National Day and it falls on a thursday!
What a nuisance!
Luckily we pushed all our classes to wednesday. so FRIDAY NO SCHOOL!
YEAH!
Its been 2 plus months already since we have been together.
Lots of things happen in between. In and Out and vice versa.
But bcos of things that happened u begin to understand more of each other.
It has been a little adventurous in the beginning when we went to some foreign part of singapore. Its full of thai ppl and its a little scary cos they seems very out of place. (anyway, i was extremely slow ytd and was late lol)
we actually wanted to go to botanical garden but we end up travelling thru kallang river, ate ice cream with biscuits and got seriously concern with the drippings of the ice cream on our pants. We wore white pants (or may beige and white). Our pants remain intact in the end. Bliss!

Walk Walk Walk!
Actually I shld complain abt all the walking.. but too bad im train from young to walk like mad.. especially with my dad.
And walking is a way to keep myself fit. I dun wanna end up with huge thighs.
Trip on bus was too jerky and almost got thrown off.. LOL.
Walk again.
To suntec.
OH MY GOD! Guess who i saw when i reached there? MY Ex-Boyfriend! LOL.
I dunno how to react in the beginning. Cos I thought i saw the wrong guy scare if approach then very paiseh.. but its him after i take a second look.
OH MY GOD! There is definitely something wrong with his dressing. Sry to say he dressed till he looks so much older than he is. i didnt say hi to him. Dunno what to say also.
But im glad its over and sometimes u just got to keep on moving forward.
Singapore is just a small place on this earth. There is still more to be explore. It can never satisfy my hungry heart and mind.

Walk. Shop. Explore. Walk. Play Arcade. LOL. Crazy. Marina Square. Books. MPH. WALK. HMV. MPH. MPH. LOL. OH MY GOD! i just lose the sequence of ytd activities. Definitely we ate. At pasta mania. Pizza. Chicken and mushroom. Nothing much. Seriously pizza hut taste the best. i dunno why.. just so juices when u bite the pizza. but too ex lar.. LOL
The best part of ytd was reading... I dunno why i just feel like reading smth nice especially with him around. I feel secure whenever he is there. The crowd was too much to handle. It was stuffy. Those assemblage of red and white citizens of singapore was totally a piss off bcos i feel so stuffy and suffocated. BREATHE! I like being protected in a crowd it makes me feel so happy and bliss in this kind of circumstances.

There is seriously so much things to say abt ytd.. All the crap he said LOL. I love his craps HAHA makes everything seems enjoyable. I mean its good to have a little bit of craziness at times. Too serious can be too frustrating. And i figured out smth abt myself. The reasons why i became quiet and not so crazy at times is bcos i love this person and his way of actions and u just want to quiet down and enjoy his expressions and actions. If i look at someone suddenly and grinning at him, it means i have found something interesting abt him that i feel its very cute even though i dun say a thing. Its a way of how i enjoy myself. sometimes to me its not abt how much i can talk through the day, i just like to quietly enjoy his company. LOL. but somehow i guess im not the type he is looking for. LOL. its ok its time to except somethings that u cant control.

everyone has the right to choose. anyway the future is unknown and i dun wanna talk to much abt the future bcos it is a hindrance for me to enjoy what i have now..

I might suddenly go missing and lost all my contacts here and go somewhere secluded lol and enjoy my life there HAHA =P

bcos the more ppl u know, there would be a time when u want none to be around u lol. maybe when i grow old..

Adios.

Today shopping for shoes and study and read.
TML study and read.
Finish my stuff.

ooo... attentions..

2007-08-05T15:01:00.000+08:00

LOVE CLUBBING!

METAMORPHOSIS

2007-08-04T11:25:00.000+08:00

Life is too stress UP. sometimes.

When lessons ended, all i can think of is to run away from this F**king place.
(oops! pardon me for saying that.)

Journey of 30 mins & probably more of 10mins of the walking.
I found a perfect spot to sit and wonder in my deep thoughts AGAIN.

Straight-back chair. teak probably.
breezy as usual.

...
ppl jog, stroll and wonder why his particular girl was all alone sitting there with her backpack.

i simply sat there and did nothing.

i think i need quietness. total quietness.

there has been a fluctuation of emotions. Ups and Downs.

i wonder why?
simply put it to words. we need to relax and really try not to make it so hard for our lifes sometimes.

relax. sit down and enjoy the place.

jamie cullum's song; photograph was my accompaniment.

the water in the lake like the soft tapping of the piano, creating rythmn.

soft, long cattails sway to the music. dadadadadada dadadadada..

trees rustle their leaves and sing to the song. ppl around me are unknown to my own world. they didnt know the trees and the shrubs are talking to me. the water forms a big ripple of smile to me. MAGIC!

the breeze joins in the party and circle their hands around the trees and me.

life is so much better with my imaginary frenz around.

..

instantly the next morning when i woke up.. a new synergy is evolving.. someone different woke up this very instant.

im starting to pursue jazz as my music. and pursue things that i shld pursue for. i need to grow up both physically and mentally. its time to change. NOW!

do something new. learn smth different. know more of someone.

stupid mindset shld be demolish and never emerge again..

life is full of fun.. i need to explore them one by one.

hopefully u can catch up with me and this world.

relax..

Its all abt BALANCING.

2007-07-29T22:34:00.000+08:00

Birthday Party.
JS asked me along.
Pretty Cool.
Semi-D
Rather Small.
But the ambience was nice.
There's the waterfall architecture.
Neat.
Realised toilet no toilet rolls.
??? Puzzled.

LOL

what shld i buy for JS next sat?
LOL.
Still my bestie!

Tired Sat Morning.
Everyone was dog-tired, i can see.
But we still have fun.
Mud slide.
Dirty shoes.
Cool ppl.
Craps!
I got high in front of the speakers.
Danced.
Photos.
Fun Frenz.
Couldnt be better.
Some got really slack jobs.
But i DUN!
Gatekeeper.
unreasonable ppl.
Used to it. I am in sales.
IC is younger than us. LOL he looks old.
Not enough anti oxidant.

Tired when reach home after party. Burn cds.
Talk to bf on phone.
Too indulge and got lost.
Its ok. Need some time to relax and let it flows.

Cooking Sunday.
Yishun. Far.
ppl smokes all along the places.
Interesting!
I realised i cant take smoking. Cos i scare i die early lol.
Wanted to study at a void deck b4 my frenz arrived. but some uncle came along and smokes.
Piss me off.

Such nice morning. Cool. and yet they smokes.
My study mood decelerates.

Potato Cake is good.
Hope we can make the cheese melts. That would be nicer.
The avocado is diasterous. YUCK!
Should change.
Fast.
Offer lontong.
LOL
Cool.
Gd. at least not spicy. Scare later need fire engines to cool my mouth.
LOL

Rush for ballet.
30 mins late.
Its the principal.
OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS! LOL
All of us really stress up when taught by her.
2 more weeks to go.
I think i miss my ballet teacher.
He is more fun LOL.

TIRED >.<
DARK EYE RINGS.
NO NEED EYE SHADOW LOL.

AD|os!

Crossroads to clear paths

2007-07-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

Gentle.
Teeming.
Petite Dancers.
Glide gracefuly along the sky.
Dense. Chilling. Gloomy.
Spring drizzle.

An old couple sat down near a stream of river.
Dabs of Daffodils swayed among the vast green.
Clean afternoon.
Sensationally emotional.
Rest her head on her familiar partner.
He beamed. felicity emerged from the never ending love.
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
Listen.
Can you feel the pounding of your heart?

The zephyr rings the bells of euphoria, surrounds and fills up their emptiness.
Alone?
Never.
Wrinkles never cover young hearts.
It never is ancient.
It is still pounding. Feel it.
Still there. Never fades.

Eternity.

All i can recall is
Efflorescence.

No more blacks. whites. or the middle.

Yellow daffodils.
Purple sky.
Green pasture.
Blue river.

Beautiful You & Me.

Screwed Up! Lesson 1 to be learned..

2007-07-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

18! I am still eighteen!
I have that kind of girl need to rulez kinda behaviour..
Those ashlee simpson kinda music or mood..
I need to have individual time when i can just indulge in my own world..
either going out with frenz. or just stay in my fucked up room and do my own stuffs..

Tired.. i realised.
Dark eye rings.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH..
How i dragged it!

Stupid. family conflicts.. Then when i thought someone would understand me... i figure out no one REALLY understand..
Why do ppl around me keep forcing me to do things that i dun like?
BULLSHIT!

I need someone..
Who sits by me.. enjoying what im enjoying at that point of moment.. not forcing me to do things that i dun wanna do at that stupid moment!
i like a quiet moment sitting at the rock near the seaside just to sit there and drift off.. like what i have been enjoying with my frenz..
i can do anything, wear anything and dun give a damn abt anything abt myself.. just plain old me.. enjoying myself.. anytime i want without someone to tell me what i shld do or not do..
i feel restricted.. fucked up!
and can anyone ask me what i want b4 doing anything?

cant it be like this?:
On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's your mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

(ashlee simpson's pieces of me)

how? how can i possibly continue when i dun even know whether i can be who i am with him?

life is fucked up!
i have to balance up work, him, frenz, family and individual time.
SO WHY CANT ANYONE UNDERSTAND I AM ALSO NOT FEELING OK NOW?

AM I SO NICE THAT IM ALWAYS BEING PUSH AROUND?
doing this and that...

why must i study in front of my parents then they will understand im putting effort in my studies?

AND WHEN I WAS TYPIG THIS.. I RECEIVED A NONSENSE CALL and it kinda remind me.. OH.. IM THE CLASS REP NOW?!
pls.. i study in schl b4 i do anything..
HOW? HOW TO RELAX LIKE THAT?

u burp, u fart in front of ur frenz.. LOL URSELF! WHO CARES?!

I am not like those long haired girls with short skirts, fling their hair and walk like some sort of uncouth people... oo.. such pretty face but the legs sux!
I am pissed off! why am i keep on reminded of these kind of ppl.. they werent in my dictionary at all..

I need brain and interesting ppl around me.. dun remind me of that kind of ppl again..

I saw this caucasian boarding the train and i saw his fucking neat outfit.
Just plain simple.
White pants (NO FOLDS AT THE END!), long sleeves shirt carrying a metallic suitcase (identical to those violin casing) on his back and a few small plastic bags on his left hand. oo.. and his gentlemanliness is totally a BONUS! which some ppl at the mrt can just piss u off.. I mean there is no hurry to get out.. RELAX.. cant u just wait for a while or let the ladies off b4 u alight? i think only barnabas is the only one that remind me of this behaviour though he is a drummer but he is good.
I was suddenly so motivated that im going to make frenz with ppl like him (caucasian guy LOL and i realised he was my neighbour lol he lives on the 8th floor).. (Hmm.. actually he kinda remind me of mr jerome lol)

Haiz..
So u know what kind of feeling i want?
just plain simple of doing things together and we both enjoy..

ooo.. and most of my lecturers are pregnant! lol.. hmm.. wonder why they so happy abt? oh my! the minority.
lol i know they havent study abt the complications of pregnancy..
LOL
Anyway happy for them.

more population contribution to the country. LOL

adios.

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

2007-07-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE DEPRESS WHEN I KNOW OF MY FPQA MARKS> FAILED!

???

I DUNNO WHATS GOIN ON AND IM NOT GOING TO ASK WHY. I AM TIRED.

NLS QUIZ FAIL
CaTech QUIZ FAIL
(THOUGH BOTH ARE NOT CONFIRM YET)

ITS CRAZY.
ITS NONSENSE.

I CANT BLAME ANYONE FOR THE MISTAKES I MADE.
I THINK I DESERVE IT.
CANNOT! I CANNOT SINK SO DEEP.
I SHOULD PULL MYSELF UP! YES!

KEEP ON STRIVING! THOUGH I KNOW MY RESULTS CAN ONLY BE Bs or Cs.
ITS QUITE SADDENING.
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME.
I MUST FIND OUT WHATS WRONG.

OK.

MY LIFE IS A BIT MORE BUSY NOW, I ADMIT.
BECAUSE...
NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THE "SOMEONE"
HE REALLY MAKES MY DAY SO RELAX, FORGET ALL ABOUT WORK. (WHICH I THINK I SHLD)
I MEAN U CANNOT GO OUT WITH SOMEONE THEN STILL THINK ABOUT SCHL WORK RIGHT?
ITS TOUGH FOR ME AND HIM.
THEREFORE BALANCE IS THE KEY WORD!
(CAN SOMEONE SENT ME A BETTER QUALITY BEAM BALANCE? LOL)

AND I LEARN SMTH FROM HIM.
SMTH THAT I SHLD CHANGE.
THE WAY I REJECT SOMEONE SHLD BE MORE ALL ROUNDED.
NAH.. NOT TOO DIRECT, IT CAN HURT PPL FEELINGS.
(DID I DO THAT? SRY MAYBE I DIDNT REALISE)

BESIDES, I REALISED I SHLD SAY OUT MY FEELINGS MORE AND DUN HIDE IT..
BUT.. THERE IS A PROBLEM..
I DUN HAVE THE HABIT TO DO THAT AND SOMETIMES THERE IS REALLY NOTHING MUCH TO SAY.
LISTENING IS MORE OF MY FORTE THAN TO SPEAK..
EXCEPT WHEN I AM WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN REALLY TALK..
OR WHEN I AM HYPER ACTIVE..
ITS RARE, trust me!

HE SPEAKS LIKE AN ADULT.
TALKS LIKE A SALEPERSON.
THINKS LIKE A CHILD sometimes.
REACTS LIKE A LUNATIC.
DANCE LIKE SOMEONE WHO IS RETARD, Oops!
HeHe.. =P
THAT MAKE HIM OVERALL.. C-U-T-E!
HUMOUROUS TO PUT IT TO WORDS.

THE BEST I LIKE ABT HIM IS WHEN I AM TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE.
OH MAN! ITS TOTALLY RELAXING. BUT Sometimes a little FEEL LIKE BANGING ON THE WALLS.
HE LOVES MAKING ME PISS OFF.. D-U-H!
BUT I CAN SAY I AM CAN BE A LITTLE STUBBORN SOMETIMES. (DUN REALLY LIKE ADMITTING MY MISTAKES SOMETIMES. TRYING TO CHANGE THIS STUPID HABIT!)

KTV WAS GR8!
SING! EAT! SING! HUGGIES! COOL!
GOT TO PITY HIM A LITTLE LAR.. PARTY WORLD PRICE WAS EX-PENSIVE. $45
AND I THOUGHT THE AMBIENCE WAS BETTER.. NAH.. DUN GO THERE ANYMORE..
APPLE MILK BUBBLE TEA - SIAO! $8.80
K BOX is BETTER.

GOT TO PITY HIM AGAIN BCOS HE HAS TO ACCOMPANY ME HOME. (HE LIVES IN HOUGANG, QUITE FAR FROM MY HOUSE)
TAXI FARE. DUH!

SO ADIOS!
GOT TO STUDY TML.
AND CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM ON SAT AGAIN! FUN!
=P

Its Finally Out..

2007-07-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

I Rest On My Bed. Thought For a While b4 i Actually Type This Down.

The Heart Is Bleeding Again. Suddenly The Feeling Of Being Love and Abandon is There Again. It is so Hurtful.

I Feel Like Regurgitating.

I seriously dunno how to trust someone anymore.

Everytime when he looked at me, sometimes i really think he is looking at those women again. It is so painful. "Pull ur shirt down, pull up ur skirts" When this phrase rings in my head. Its so painful. Maybe im weird. Maybe i lack the ability to know what women want or what men want. Finally, i know ppl underneath that clothes can be so much more than what they seem to be.

He seriously dun understand me at all. Well i cant blame him cos nobody does even i dun even know who i am.

I dunno how to be a women and i may never will. I dun really like wearing skirts, and flaunt my assets to guys. I am not a person who wears low cut and push sales up. I cant humour guys and tell them to their face I am so in love with u or smack their ass just to flirt. I Just Lost The Touch. Sometimes, i dun even know what i want. I am so Fuck Up sometimes.

The Feeling To Puke is Back Again.

Tell Me I Can Be Who I Want To Be.. Myself.

Tell Me I Am A Loser.

Tell Me My Life is Good.

Tell Me.

Maybe i need a change of environment.

Nobody can cure this heart, its just too strong to be stop. It really hurt when everything u know is not true.

FUCK UP!

Its time to breathe and relax.

2007-07-08T15:53:00.001+08:00

Friday.
That Last Friday.
First Time, We Put On Boots, Equiped Ourselves With Costumes Which We Are Disgusted.
Astronaunts?
I Dont See a Point In Copying Down Notes.
Because Different Food Industries have Different Quality Control and Processing.
Its only Pork Floss.
And Besides, Its the Sanitation We are Supposed To Observe.
No Point.
Basically, Working In Such Environment Need Alot of Hardships Bcos, Its Humid, Stuffy and Then Cool and airy.
WBCs. Plenty.

Especially IN Humid Places, Sweats is Something we Have to Take Note Of. Nah.. Contamination.

Oh my gosh.. It was went i Got Out of The Damn Place did i Realised Im not Feeling Well.

Im Down With FLU.
Sux!

WHat Life?!

Suppose to go out on SAT. But I GUESS I HAVE TO SLP THE WHOLE DAY.
LOL.
IAM SERIOUSLY TIRED.

SLP>>
SLP..
ZZZ..

YAWN!

Everyday i learn a new thing with u.

2007-07-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

Its really surprising how it all started, seriously it is.

Its so marvellous isnt it?

Just a pop! Then everything changes.

The one thing that made me so madly in love with him is learning new perspectives from him. I like a guy who not just only loves u but he can actually make u grow and understand so much abt this world. Its really fasinating!

I dont really read books much nowadays but the book he lends me, turns into something that i must have it with me everytime when i am free.

I am attracted to mature guys. Not those in polys. They just dun understand life yet. Its a complicated process. They need to grow up. Duh!

He is just like a child sometimes, always ask u why.. then u just have to smile and tell him well thats the way it is. He understands. I love being with him every sec, it just makes my day so enjoyable.

he always try to make me laugh and have those interesting ideas that make me love him even more.

Talking to him on the phone is so relaxing. Its even better than listening to lullaby to sleep, seriously.

But sometimes going out with him can be a little piss off bcos he can suddenly indulge himself in his own world, leaving u there, thats kinda sad LOL.
But i try to understand, thats why i dun throw tantrum anymore.
I dun want to be a child, i wanna grow up.

Now, i have an assignment given by him and to be completed hopefully on sat LOL.

Hmmm.. actually its mostly on the feeling part, u just need the right time.

Now i dunno why, sitting in front of this laptop, i can even sense his smell. This smell is so familiar and i think i really miss him.

He is a motivated guy and i just love him when he works and learn new things by himself. He is not a freak, he is charming guy to me.

Freaking scary, i can really sense his odour now LOL. weird.

=P

I think it is mostly like a tagboard.

2007-07-03T23:00:00.001+08:00

He threw the ring away.

Far Far Away and i am not sad.

Because the past relationship im in love with him but he is not with me.

The past him is gone.

And now i have found another whom i love him but in a more mature way than the past, cos i dun throw tantrum anymore.

I do care but i care it in such a way only i know.

Its hard to describe.

WEIRD..

Then Mrs Kalpana is not contactable.. im stress out. how can i fail as a class rep?

I am seriously depress.

I know next time i will plan ahead. I have learned my mistakes.

so Sry for all the troubles.

And TRANSFORMER is good. Its cool. VERY cool indeed.

Well, its just for enjoyment.

I am not in the mood to enjoy his company today cos im depress and stress out.
(Sry for that. :[ )

Weary. very indeed.

Adios.

Fun! FUN! FUN!!!

2007-07-02T21:24:00.000+08:00

Today, is something worth to blog about.
Because today i felt something that i have never felt before.
WHAT WONDEROUS FUN!

The evening was perfect, just too perfect with the breeze that cools down the heat from the sun.
I am suppose to work today, supposedly.
I thought i can finish somethings on apfs but i realised there wasnt any to do actually. Its mostly copying words from the notes. How mundane!

Yawn. Weary eyes of mine are trying to focus on the computer screen now while typing this.

I sat on his legs like a little child, while he holds and cuddles me so lovingly.
The most unexpected part is when he carrys me and spins me around and makes me feel so scare. Stunningly marvellous.
I just love to sit close to him especially on his sturdy legs where i can feel a sense of freedom from love and lay my head on his chest to hear his fluttering heartbeats.

Lol. I never expect someone to see what i can see in myself; i always knew that i have a beautiful eyes but its just that its not double eyelids. He saw them.

The kisses were gentle but they can get a little too wet till i get sick of the taste of it, but its fun.

However of all the fun and laughter we have today, u realised all guys are lazy and they can be a little not gentleman at times. (a little piss =P)

Lol. we shall see..
Sweet things dun last long.

=P
(p.s loving u is a madness. and can create tiredness LOL.)

Sanctuary in the midst of hell. LOL

2007-07-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

Today!
What a good word to use... it basically begins by doing PROJECTS!
OH MY!
SERIOUSLY, when can those F* projects going to end?

Lawl. (kk i m learning this new word, cos it sounds cool!)
I type and edit and change the meal planning dishes and i still cant get it done by the afternoon!
What efficiency!
Disgrace!

Haiz..

Oh there is one thing i look forward to in the evening is BALLET!
Is been so long since i can stretch and jump and twirl LOL
But its still tough somehow.. it never can be easy.

Beep... vibrate.. OH its a msg from my sweetest bf..
Ooo.. its says meet at 715 at bugis!
I was like shocked bcos i plan to rush home to finish my endless projects.

But its ok cos i wanna to see him too.
So suppose to reach home by 8 or 815.. LOL ended home at 9.

Suppose to receive a little nagging from dad but he went to SLEEP! LOL..
Ah peace!

Actually when i receive his msg of "whatever!" i was kinda worried bcos i m afraid he will think im kinda neglecting him. But i want him to understand and that is another aspect that i want him to have.

Hmmm.. guys are always guys, they can neglect u sometimes then they understand and then care more abt u... LOL

lawl.. more huggies and kisses! SWEET!

Then, back to projects again...
Haiz..
WHAT THE!

Busy little women im...
=P
(P.s. Sry if i neglect u... and i love ur understanding aww.. muacks! more hugs or kisses? LOL)

Misery loves me and so do bliss.

2007-07-01T11:47:00.000+08:00

In a life, there are both the essence of happiness and misery.
But i like both.
They shld balance sometimes dont u think so?
The night streets are empty, the lamp post shines its beauty, casting eerie shadows on the platform.
He walks past with a top hat doning on his head.
He wears a coat. A long black devious coat.
I couldnt recognise him.

Such mysterious body is very intriguing.
He approaches with caution but i avoided the tormenting emotions that i am to face.
Its been so long since i have been trapped in the pin.
I waited patiently for someone to rescue me.
But to no avail.

Then this anonymous figure found me.
I have no reason to say no to it.
Because the heart still longs for a passion...
...of love
It screams "PLEASE SAVE ME!"

With his strong and tender arms he picked me up and says, "would u follow me?"
Of why shld i say no?
Then there comes a strong whiff of auguish and uncertainty.
The storm brews.
Its too strong to say no now.

And loving u is a misery
At times.

I love the mysterious figure that waits patiently under the night sky, with a sense of maturity as he looks up to the sky and sent a great blue triumphant cloud from his fag. His eyes give such strong attention to his surrounding and never to any desires. He holds u gentle like holding on to a feather and gives u warm kisses as he hugs u. He wants nothing more than just the love that u can give him. That's all he ask for.

The way u move, the way u dress and the way u do silly things are all pleasing to his heart and soul. He loves u the way u are, for u are the beauty in his eyes.

Oh such love is intense.
And it can never be found except in fairytales and myths.

For the king so love his wife that he sells his soul to redeem the sins of his wife and prolong her eternal life.

LOL.
Day dream again.
Of so much words in this blog.. nothin can be compare to the trust i placed onto him and its the greatest gift that i can give.
Silly Vincent.
=P

Security vs Insecurity

2007-06-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

Love is the sweetest dreams and the worst of nightmares.

Falling for it is as easy as killing ants (lol. providing u really hate ants.)

Once u know u have already been entrapped by the web of love, you start to ponder, how true can it be?

And honesty can really hurt a person. well, the truth always hurt doesnt it?

Then u start to feel insecurity bcos u wonder: he loves me bcos of lust?

And when he told u, he did that in the past, the insecurity increased.

No wonder it wasnt as powerful as the love that was experienced in the past.

Ur ex is too good to be true and it can bore u.

Oh my ASSHOLE!

Hmmm...
Just hope that time can fly fast so that i can know the truth.
Tick-tock!

Who cares anyway.. life is short!

2007-06-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

Kk..
Sending the last sms to him last nite was totally gr8!
Because, i finally sent him the msg that i wanted in my heart but i just avoid it.
Who cares abt the ending?
Life is short.
I dun wanna waste so much time thinking and getting myself miserable.

Who cares abt the past?
The past is just a lesson for us to learn.
The present and future are more impt, bcos present moulds the future aint it?
LOL

Hmmm..
Just why do we have to care so much?
=P

SUX! I think i am losing alot of things...

2007-06-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

Sux!
Results are out..
Not bad its not horrendously horrible..
At least i pass all subjects..

I seriously got a little confuse in my life now.
A very big confuse indeed.
I dunno why i just can get rid of the doubt in me.
Those doubts that are still lingering in my heart.
I did try to avoid.
But my mind and heart just cant harmonise.
I think i can go bonkers!

LOL... its the same old feeling again.. the feeling of being free..

Oh my gosh!
I think im seriously crazy.

I dun even know what i want.
I need a big break.

I need to chill out with my bestie and chat with him.
Seriously..

Falling In Love AGAIN?

2007-06-26T21:12:00.001+08:00

Gee.. i am doom!

How can i ever allow myself to fall in love AGAIN?

It is not acceptable especially i have joined the single and not available club since last year? LOL

Seriously, this time round i learn to control my emotions better than the previous relationship cause i think i have to grow up sometimes aint it?

I am trying hard to balance up both work and relationship well, LOL.

Seriously it can be quite hard.

The most important part is the trust i put in him that he really cares abt this relationship cause it really hurts the last time the relationship doesnt work out and there basically aint a good explanation why it ended.

My guess, maybe we are both immature.

However in my heart, there is still doubt abt this but i am letting time to tell me the truth and i hope its not another pretentious and lies kind of relationship. LOL

So may we have many and endless happiness down the road! LOL

=P

There is a reason for everything.

2007-06-21T16:47:00.000+08:00

kk...
Everything is settled.

I am glad to be myself again LOL =P

She's going off..

2007-06-19T17:46:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. i seem to look rather fat here. LOL.
Will miss her.

=P